I think the universe is trying to teach me a lesson in patience today because I don’t think the day could have been anymore tripped up.
There have been SO many things that have gone wrong for me this Thursday, that I cried twice at work from stress, and once before I even went to work.
It’s not worth running down the list of BS at all, but I don’t like to cry, as we know.
My tears were not crazy tears at all and mostly quiet and to myself really; but the new guy at work did see me for a few seconds. I was embarrassed, naturally. I just pretended that I was fine and walked away.
I then got happy….and plowed through the rest of the day.
The real high lights were my dog babies at work; that helped a lot.
I have done a pretty awesome job of keeping it together today, and not losing my shit like I have in the past when things don’t go anyway but wrong for me.
It is not a new thing at all… the trip ups.
I do know I’m growing positively and not going backwards though.
Even though I did have a few “moments” today, I stayed pretty calm despite all of this crap I feel is testing me.
I have quite a bit on my plate at the moment, and I can’t deny it or avoid it.
I feel like I am dropping the ball sometimes, but also that I am trying as hard as I can not to.
I wonder quite a bit just what the point is when some days it feels like all I do all day long is consistently talk myself down from completely losing it.
I know it’s what I have to do to get through it though.
I wonder if other people that are in recovery and in the process of rebuilding their lives ever feel this way; also if they talk about it.
I cannot be the only one.
I know I am using the tools I have and being honest about what’s going on with me, and that it is actually working to keep me focused on what I can do next to make my life better.
I want to say personal thank yous to Kayla, Elaina, and T for listening to me today and helping me get through my “moments”.
Yes i did say T. I think time does heal old wounds, and taking it as it comes doesn’t hurt either. It’s good to have my friend back again, without the pressure of anything else.
*On a side note: As for my social media frustrations, I have gone to my other account. It is much more positive with people that actually want to see me succeed. Only real friends there.*
Tomorrow will be a better day for me I’m sure. If not, I will get through that too. I believe that things will be if it’s meant to be.
I am one year, five months, and eleven days sober. I am living today instead of dying slowly.
I hope you will do the same friends.
Don’t give up.
J.Rounds ©2018 ~ Peaces of ME