I am no Mother Theresa.
I respect her fully though.
She was the kind of human being I’ve always held in regard. Someone that was closer to perfect than I could ever be.
A “proper” role model.
I’m sure there are flaws there though…simply because of the fact that she was human, and just another person.
I also struggle with knowing if there is anything after this life, and what it is; but also feeling like because I just wrote that about M.T.; it’ll go on the list of things I’ll go to hell over for saying, I’m sure.
Figure that run-on sentence out. (Lol)
Sorry, not sorry; but I really just don’t think that God has anything to do with it….
Being a decent person, that is.
I also really don’t know if there is a heaven or a hell.
“To thine own self be true.”
Intent matters more than anything in life…..in my opinion anyways.
For someone like me; being decent and honest is a healthy “addiction”.
I know it to be a better way of living; compared to my former way, and BS. Far less drama….far less self-loathing….far less hurt, and hurt-inducing properties.
I have taken all the things I’ve learned in life (usually the hard way); and I have finally decided, to use them to my benefit.
I can change my perspective and make peace with myself and others in my own time, now. I can let go of trauma that I harbor and carry; at my own pace, now. I can re-learn my ways of thinking to the way I feel best about myself; and not be afraid of others’ opinions, now. I can form healthy connections in my mind where it misfires, now. I can teach myself, now. I can learn from other people, and incorporate it into my life, now. I can find ways to form healthy connections with the world, and in my daily relationships with people, now. I can actively help others instead of hurting them, now. I can do what I say I’m going to do, now. I can stay sober, now. I can do the right thing, now. I can have confidence in myself, now. Some sort of integrity and pride in myself NOW.
I can ramble on a public blog about stuff that feels like only I care about; and not be afraid; or even care; that people won’t like me, now.
Those all are choices I make daily to do. It was always my choice to do. My life has always been…MY LIFE. Hard to accept that fact sometimes; but yes.
It’s not easy all the time at all; but effort is the answer to my life. NOT living like a victim to my mental issues, addictions, and problems.
Also; just for the record; as a side- thought…
I think it’s so ironic that “we” (including myself…I have said it too, and meant it at the time) expect people with mental disorders to feel any sort of value in themselves; when behind their backs or even on TV; Everywhere really… we call people with issues “crazy” or worse; and then treat them as if they don’t have one single brain in their head.
I started to think about my own negative ways of thinking about mental issues.
We pump people with mental issues full of synthetic drugs, and then blame them for needing the drugs. We make them feel as if they could never function normally without them.
It’s the main reason people’s issues generally escalate. There is a massive, world-wide stigma about how we can’t get better too. A victim mentality.
I know, because I was caught in it. Trapped in it.
It’s no wonder everyone seems so lost all the time…. Afraid to be themselves.
You buy into the BS….that’s what your life becomes.
I am NOT a victim anymore of anything….OR the world. I am NOT crazy.
I had to re-learn a lot of my ways of thinking, and realize how much I was missing out on by thinking I couldn’t change anything about the bad parts of myself.
The only thing you do; by living that way, and thinking that about yourself; is waste time NOT living; and being stuck in unhealthy cycles, that will always seem impossible to escape.
You hurt others with your negativity.
You hurt yourself.
Something in you, has to find a way to change.
It’s not about religion. It’s not about what people think of you.
It’s about what you think about yourself.
It’s about saving your own self, from a life-time of suffering and destruction….wasted time….
And making the choice to not buy in. Living life on life’s terms. Being the change, by doing what’s best for your soul….not being avictim to the bad things that happen in life. Not putting yourself and keeping yourself in the cycle.
I’d like to think that I’m on the good side of life now.
Yeah, I edited a Mother Theresa quote because I don’t fully agree with it; but so what?
I know I try to live consciously and truthfully; and without regret now.
I know I’ve rambled again; but I feel better too.
I know someone’s going to get what I’m saying; and others not at all….
It IS, after all….ME.
I’m good with that.
J.Rounds ©2018 ~Peaces of ME