No simple way, so I’ll F bomb some…There’s the warning…

You just have to love my ridiculous blog names, if nothing else. LOL *rolls eyes.

There are NO “simples” in my life AT ALL.

Every single thing I try to do has a process, or a sub-process of a process that I have to do, before I can ever get anything fucking done. It’s seriously just like math, which I cannot stand AT ALL.

It’s frustrating. It’s draining. It makes me want to bash my head into a tree and fire automatic weapons at sides of beef. 

No joke.

If that makes me sound crazy and stressed out, then I have made my point. 

It just never ends. 

It’d be fine if it was like 35% of the time all fucked up; but I’m riding on a high 80-90% average; and seriously, I’m just done with it.

I do not know why extremely shitty people of the world, seem to get everything with minimal effort, and skate on through life like they don’t give a shit about anyone or anything; and I have to play nice with God and keep tumbling through life feeling like a plastic bag in the wind; even though I’m putting in every effort I can muster.

I mean, COME ON.

Even when every single thing is in order, there is ALWAYS a glitch that creates MORE full-on anxiety and days of worry. 

Really it’s nothing 20 grand and a fucking break wouldn’t fix. 

WTF is that?

I don’t know what breaks are at all.  The only “breaks” I’ve had, have been the times I checked into the psych ward. 

Enough said.

NO, I’m not whining. I’m pissed off and tired of fucking bullshit and life’s bullshit, and the way you need money, money, money for fucking everything, and there’s just NO end to it.

It seems that clawing and scratching my way through is the only thing that ever gets me anywhere. 

I don’t know how to be OK with that.

My brain really can’t take it much longer, and I’m tired of the struggling.

Picking up the pieces of a broken life is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, besides my son dying. TRUTH.

At the moment I feel calm; but I’m just waiting for the NEXT fucked up thing to happen. 

Seriously.

Trying to love myself; because I know if I don’t, I’ll fail for sure. 

3 days of more waiting. 

Friday can’t come soon enough.

I’m running out of air, and it is thick.

I’m super stoked for the rest of the day.

J.Rounds (c)2017 ~Peaces of ME

It’s Tuesday, one thing I know for sure…

So things have got to keep moving forward no matter what, because anything else just won’t do for me. 

I can only be myself, have standards for myself, and live life in a way that makes me feel like I did something positive while I was here, instead of just suffering miserably and ruining shit.

Every day I live this life, and I feel it fully. I can’t make sense of the way things go, and it is always the opposite of what it seems to be. 

I’m tired of it.

Quite honestly, I’m beside myself in some very big ways today, and I’ve been trying to wrap my head around some things, and make sense of it all. All of it has made me feel like I’m not worth one thing, but I know it’s not my issue. Still, I have to live and deal with it, feel the pain from it, and I feel like I am on the outside looking in, and will never know the full scope of what I’m dealing with. I also feel alone and betrayed; it fucking sucks, and my only hope is that it won’t happen again.

I can’t make people tell me the truth. It pains me that I always think people will, but they never do…and I can’t figure out why I don’t deserve it.

People wonder why my concept of love is so asku, and this is why.

I’m going to be working on my goals for myself, because I think I need to realize that I need to stop worrying, and just keep taking care of me.

I’m trying to work out things, because I think it’s important to fight for what you want and need in life… but relationships these days, are not what they used to be. I wish I felt like I wasn’t going to be all alone when I die, but I do. 

I hope I’m wrong about that.

What will happen, will happen…and I can’t stop it. I can only control myself, and I will.

I’m STILL sober. Karter’s Birthday is STILL tomorrow.

This journey is mine alone…and I always wonder where it’s going to end up.

Today is today though.

Love yourself.

J.Rounds ©2017 ~Peaces of ME