School.

I’ve been stressed to the point of sick about a lot of things. 

I’m used to a high stress level but lately this run around I’ve been getting in general from every angle has made me consider among other things an apprenticeship regarding my work as a photographer.

Who gives a shit.

I will find one. Because I feel the online school thing isn’t giving me the “hands on” thing that I need. 

I’ve been going to this school for a year and a half, but I’m tired of putting up with BS, just because this school thinks I’ll put up with it. Doesn’t seem to be getting me anywhere anyways…surprise, surprise. More than anything I’m teaching myself, and I don’t even want to do it, because I don’t learn like that. 

It’s hard for my brain.

Not to mention there is literally School BS regarding everything, at every corner… Not lying. Always something……… My school schedule; pay for this light kit out of your pocket because we fucked up…$1,000 I don’t much have; 0oh you have to be in another class too..forgot to tell you; yadda.yada…

It’s mostly because this school, has let me down in multiple ways, multiple times. I’m finishing locally, and/or done.

Imagine telling your school to Fuck off in all intensive purposes. Imagine sticking up for yourself when you wouldn’t usually. 

Imagine no one giving one shit but you….lol…Exactly. I’m 15 grand in so far. You aren’t.

So sick of being the one that never says when.

Today I said “when”. For real.

I’m glad. For so many reasons.

Love yourself.

J.Rounds ©2017 ~Peaces of ME

As Long as You Get There

Sometimes it doesn’t matter how you get there, as long as you get there. That’s the thing I always tell myself, when I’m making unrealistic expectations about this or that; or trying to live up to my own standards, but not quite on track. I always look for the silver lining now.

I’ve taken the past days off from writing completely because I’m tired. I’ve got this constant humming in my mind of all the things I need to do and get done. After I get it all done for the day, the thought crosses that I should write, but leaves just as fast. It’s like all my energy goes to the immediate tasks at hand, and I don’t want to do anything but veg. out afterwards. I know that it’s anxiety…and the fact that I spend much of my time trying to slow my thoughts down to focus. It’s just tiring. My Psychiatrist shat out on my appointment last week due to overbooking, which means TWO more weeks of waiting for her to hear me, and hopefully hear what I’m saying. I guess at least the good thing is that I’m sober and stable otherwise. But still….tired.

Currently this Math class has become bearable (yes, I actually said that), but I was also told last week that I needed to take another class as well, running along side of it. Since I wasn’t aware of this, and my advisor never told me, it was about three days of ridiculousness before they finally put me in a Communications class. Anybody that knows my “in real life” social anxiety, can pretty much imagine how stressful this class is for me. I managed to make my first elevator speech video though, and I’m hoping the class will be a good experience overall when all is said and done. Nothing like being judged and graded on your appearance, speech and mannerisms. *rolls eyes*  Also slightly frustrating that my advisor failed to mention the scheduling of the classes; but I’m getting good grades in both, so I’m committed to keeping up the pace.

In other news I’ve met someone. He sees me for me, and appreciates me; and I him. Healthy; and refreshing to be able to open up again to someone without fear. I’m finally starting to realize my worth, and moving on from my past.

I’m extremely happy about that.

Sometimes it doesn’t matter how you get there, as long as you get there.

Love yourself.

J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

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Post-production final

So I’m happy to say I finished strongly with an A in my Post-production class I have been taking the past 6 weeks.

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This is a composite image consisting of three separate images morphed together to create one. Shadowing and logo added, as well as other photoshop techniques. It is rather basic by standards in the PS world.

I’ve known my skills had been improving for some time now, but I was particularly and genuinely pleased when my Professor asked if he could use my submission in one of his teaching videos he uses for his class. It was beyond nice to get that kind of recognition and I of course told him that I would be more than happy for him to use it! 🙂

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I feel a special sort of connection with this Professor; because he is a good one, and always, always took the time to help me when I needed it, as well as give me true tips on how to improve my overall abilities.

Also I feel for him. His wife of 30 years passed from breast cancer during this period, and he STILL went out of his way for all of us in the class. My mother also went through breast cancer and a double mastectomy; I relate in some fashion; so I of course offered my condolences and positive vibes to him; wished him peace and healing. I really think he was not only surprised, but genuinely appreciative. It just amazes me how strong some people can be in times of turmoil. It was actually a rather good lesson to learn, and taught me a lot about perseverance. I will miss this class.

All in all I’m proud of myself. I worked for a goal, and achieved it yet again. Two years ago I wouldn’t have even tried.

Just sharing because I said in a previous post that I would.

Every day I am more and more glad that I made the decision to actually apply myself in something that will directly affect my future in a positive way. Worth every single penny of these student loans I’m racking up. (currently at 14k)

I had a good day despite crying twice due to Math anxiety. I had a friend help me through it. To him I am greatly appreciative. You’re a true friend, thank you so, so much.

Never give up and never stop trying. The small things add up to full on steps forward to positive and healthy. This I promise you.

Love yourself. You’re totally worth it. Xo

J. Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

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Now That I Got That Out of my System

Let’s see how much on this Montage assignment I can get done. This class I’m in this period is interesting but confusing. I’m caught up, but it should be interesting to see just what I can come up with.

Last time I had to make a character design for a toy creation…this time a high quality image that could be used for stock or marketing for a fashion accessory.

I’m doing sunglasses; the model will be me. Since I can’t get around town very easily, it seems the most logical choice. I’m relying on my remote shutter release. I love that thing. (Lol)
It’s like having a world of new options at your fingertips.

Today I am happy and motivated; also excited for the future.

I’ll post my final in a few weeks. I wonder how it’ll turn out; I have no idea but it should be fun.

Love Yourself.

J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

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Another journal entry

It’s been great taking some time *off from social accounts. I find the morning when I wake and later at night is enough. Gives me time to focus on things I need to get done during the day like daily life, appointments and school.  I’m glad it’s starting to balance out a bit.

This image manipulation class has been time consuming. I’ve had to pour many more hours into doing a good job than I was expecting. I’m pulling a high A , so it’s nice that I’m doing well and can say these courses are actually worth the money and I’m actually learning.

There are still a few things on my mind, I can’t do anything about. Trying not to let them worry me.

I’m still working on my resume, and I’m still smoking although have cut down and I’m planning on getting the nicotine patch because I think that’ll help.

Tonight I give myself props for making it through this day without flipping my lid. I recovered a document I thought was lost for good, and it literally saved my mood for tonight.

Today has been boring but not bad. Not everyday can be exciting I guess.

Have to get out and do something soon.

J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

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Progress.

So I really love this new Photographic Design class I’m in this period; because finally we can start doing some of the editing that I like to do so much.

This is just one of the images I took the other day; after almost getting thrown in jail after attempting to take photos outside of the Army Depot here in my town.  Yeah, DON’T DO THAT. 🙂 I talked my way out of cuffs on that one; and decided to go to the church by my house on the way back home. I’m glad I did. I captured some beautiful photographs with so much potential for loveliness.

New work Mother Mary Comes to Me

This is not my final edit on this image. But you can see where it started out originally; and the significantly better quality of it after edit. I love shooting in RAW because you can literally go back again and again and create new work out of the same photograph; without losing the original image.

Anyways… this is what I’ve been doing lately. Constructive criticism is welcomed. Currently working on getting the contrasts in the clouds to pop more, and knocking the drasticness of the purple in them down a few notches to get a more natural effect. Still learning.

There is beauty all around us if we just look. ❤

J. Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

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     ‘Mother Mary Comes to Me’

If It Was Easy

Sometimes I think I have a learning disorder. Seriously.

I remember just about everything that people do in my life, and I pick up on most things no problem at all when they interest me.

But sometimes I have to try to learn something; and it doesn’t matter how many times I read it, it just won’t sink in at all.

Such is the case for this Biology class I’m taking.  It’s going to kick my ass.  It’s like a job or something. I start reading about Mendelian Genetics, Binary Fusion and Mitosis, DNA Transcription, and by the end of it I don’t know what I’ve read at all and I just want to cry.  What the???  So I go back and re-read it 10 different times and I still don’t get it.  I wonder what is wrong with me.  It just makes me completely stressed out and afraid.

I’m afraid of failing. I have to at least get a high B in this class or I’m not going to be happy with myself at all. I think an A is out of the question, considering.

I think I’m going to have to break it down into week by week increments, or I might just freak out.

That doesn’t even begin to touch my computer dilemma; which I have to figure it out in 4 weeks or I’ll have issues getting into my next class. Being broke and needing something is one of the worst feelings I can possibly think of.  I hate it.

If it was easy it wouldn’t be worth it; RIGHT?

At least I’m sober and not dead and have some goals. That’s the way I’m looking at it tonight. Off to bed.

Love yourself.

J. Rounds ©2015 ~Peaces of Me

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I DID IT.

I should have more faith in myself.

I know I can do anything I put my mind to, but it just wasn’t actually clear to me until I met my first goal tonight.  I DID IT.

AND I did it WELL.

I’m sober and I’m pulling a four point. And this was an A+ this time.

Final grades

There are some things in my life that could be better.  Financially I’m really struggling; but my rent is paid this month and I have food in my tummy.

My health could be better.  I think I will have to get my uterus removed and I am scared; but I am hopeful that it will not be cancer and I am SOBER.

That has to count for something.

It does to me and that’s all that matters.

I’ll worry about it as it comes.

I’m really proud of myself tonight on many levels.

I should have more faith in myself.

 J. Rounds ©2015 ~Peaces of Me

Disappear Here

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