I am 17 months sober today.
I feel good about it. I’m pretty ok with where I am right now, even though it’s still not ideal as a whole. I’ve grown immensely in myself and learned a lot about life this past year-and-almost-a- half. More than I ever have, actually.
I’m still growing/learning, and I’m happy about that too. It means I’m not stuck anymore, and that there’s hope for me yet….even on the bad days.
I know I won’t compromise myself anymore to make other people happy. I don’t care what some may think of me. I’ve struggled too long, and too hard to care much, honestly.
I know I won’t compromise myself to not feel anymore. I’d rather feel everything because at least I know it is real.
I know I don’t want to ever drink again, and I will keep choosing not to drink daily; because messing up now would ruin every, single thing that I have been working for, and have already accomplished. It would make no sense at all, and would be the stupidest thing I could do. I’m done with that nonsense. It will never be worth drinking again for me because it was never worth it in the first place.
My focus now is on finding a private therapist that will actually be able to get me in on their schedule. The other therapist I can’t wait for anymore.
A side thought is that I’m not looking forward to spending all these holidays coming up, alone.
Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas…..
It sucks when you want the company, but don’t want to deal with any of the other stuff that comes along with the said company.
I don’t know anybody in real life that’s into deep conversation and cuddling. Although I’m not intensely focusing on it, the cooler weather coming always reminds me that I am single again. (Lol). Worse things for sure I know; just sayin’.
I just wonder if that’ll ever be in the cards for me again.
Right now, I can’t wait to get out of work, so I can go home and sew and paint.
I’m making myself Sunday dinner tonight too, to celebrate the fact that I’m not an active drunk anymore and I’ve chosen to live instead.
I still need more money coming in, and a raise at the job I already work at. I cannot move any further forward in working for myself, without more money.
Reviews are coming soon they say, also another shot at the shift lead position…I should get it this time, and I’m ready for it.
It just has been very stressful, to be extremely honest. I do realize it is a first-world problem of sorts, but I really don’t know what’s going to happen with my finances at all. I’m staying optimistic though and going day to day, because it’s too much to think about any other way.
Just a rambling of random thoughts today.
That’s how I feel. One of those days, I guess.
Not much more to say right now.
J.Rounds ©2018 ~Peaces of ME