Limits.

I’m tired of being put in positions for other people’s gains and I won’t be anymore.

At all.

I could be in a completely different place had I known the truth of the matter.

My life is not waiting for others to get their shit together and change.

It’s not my job to make other people comfortable at the literal expense of myself because they feel entitled, either.

My life is changing on the daily and I’m at my limit of what I can give out. Literally.

I have things I have to focus on to make my life work, and to not lose the things that I have worked for. Why should I have to?

I won’t go backward for anyone, especially when it’s not even appreciated and the whole thing was a ruse in the first place, just to not have to fall alone, or try. Thanks.

You don’t even know how hurtful it is and you don’t even care.

It’s always great until I’ve got nothing else to give. Right? It’s hard to keep doing for others when there’s nothing but people implying that you aren’t doing enough, and they aren’t doing anything at all themselves.

Why don’t YOU do something for a change?

I have kids that I can’t even afford to see, and I live 45 minutes away from them.

I have 33¢ in my bank account. My credit card is maxed out, even after a credit increase. For giving when I didn’t have it to give.

That’s fucking sad and not right, considering what’s actually going on. Considering you knew all along your position.

I’m making some hard choices and it’s not going to be fun.

But at the end of the day no one’s doing anything for me, but ME. It’s very obvious as well. Very.

I want to move forward and not back, and that is exactly what I’m going to do.

Your life is on you. I can’t save you. You have to save yourself.

It’s not fair to me, to make me feel guilty for that either.

I’m 2 years, 7 months, and 25 days sober. I don’t even smoke anymore, and haven’t for over two months. You’d never, ever know it if you went just based off the way I’ve been feeling inside over all of this.

I bet you didn’t even consider my feelings.

That is what hurts most of all.

Loving myself, because I deserve to.

J.Rounds ©2019 ~Peaces of ME

The More You Know

I have not written words on paper for a long time.

A computer screen would not be paper, but I haven’t wanted to write here on this blog either. I don’t know why exactly, but I feel like I need to just go with the flow when it comes to my writing, so I am.

My life is pretty different then it was the last time I blogged.

I am a legal resident of Michigan now.

It was a slightly daunting move that took patience, but I financed it all myself and so for some reason, I am proud of that. I worked hard to make it happen and accomplish the goal. Two years ago I wouldn’t have even been able to attempt it.

My growth inside is daily, and I am sober. My mind is open. I’m embracing all three of these gifts because that’s what they are.

I took some time off from working to decompress and regroup. I’ve been slightly depressed at points these last three weeks, but the time off has done me some good. I think after a big change it just takes a bit to level out. My mind was tired and my body was tired too. I needed the rest, and so I’m glad I took the time.

Now it’s time to look for a better job than the one I used to work before. I have an excellent referral letter from my former employer and motivation to match it.

Time to get going again, and I’m ready.

I don’t know where it will lead, but I trust the direction the universe is taking me. I also trust myself.

Love yourself.

J.Rounds ©2019 ~Peaces of ME