The I don’t knows in your head kill you slowly, and the actions don’t match the words.
Always trust your gut, but then some will do everything they can, to make you doubt it…only to hurt you for no other reason than selfishness or fear.
We’ve all been there. The hurt side.
Honesty is relevant.
The hurt you may cause upfront from saying the truth, is way better than turning around one day and realizing it was all for nothing…and you have hurt the ones you never wanted to, by spinning a different story to cover your ass and/or loneliness; or just being a complete idiot drunk, or whatever you were being, when you made the choice to hurt that someone else.
Have you been here too? Me too.
You have no formal right to judge another’s level of hurt, when you are the reason for it.
All you can do is make a commitment to yourself, that you’re not going to live like that anymore…forgive yourself…daily…and then try to become the best version of yourself possible.
And keep doing it.
Every day you make a conscious effort.
Remember that your actions have consequences that may last longer than you thought they would originally.
You would feel the same most likely.
Remember the person on the other side of it, and how you would feel if this person did the same to you, that you did to them.
Remember the feeling.
Understand it. Accept it.
THAT is the hard part.
YES. It’s frustrating for all involved, on many occasions; but if you didn’t care, then you wouldn’t have said you were sorry in the first place, right?
Make your sorry mean something, so the person you hurt will know you are truly sorry.
You can’t get mad for the person not trusting you fully, OR not even wanting anything more to do with you.
What does a sorry mean?
Blaming others for not tolerating your BS, is nothing more, than you being selfish.
That includes anyone, and me most assuredly; for any situation that might fit.
I know by experience, I learned it ALL the hard way.
Give the person you hurt, time to find peace with the hurt you caused them….or not.
And DON’T do it again.
Tell the truth even if it burns you outright.
It’s right if you TRULY value someone.
It will be found out eventually anyways, and that just says a lot about how you are as a person really, when it does come to light.
Everything that means anything REAL, is founded in truth.
Trust is the hardest thing to gain back; and the easiest thing to lose.
You can’t keep dropping bombs, and not expect some form/s of casualty/ies….yadda, yadda, yadda…
I know first hand what it’s like to lose every single thing that mattered besides myself; and almost that too on several occasions; because of the hurt I caused other people, and the things I did for myself only, at someone’s else’s expense.
That’s why I try every day to be honest about who I am; my needs and wants; and my huge flaws that seem to overpower me at the worst times.
I try to be a good person now.
I do fail, but not on things like truth anymore. MY truth, and what I expect for my own life.
If people can’t hear me, then they never wanted to, or cared to in the first place.
The hurt you cause others, IS relevant to the person or thing you caused it to.
Fix it with your actions. or don’t even bother.
No half-assing. It doesn’t mean shit when you do that. You can’t candy-coat reality, and have it stick.
The only options I’ve found, to make amends to a person I hurt in my life for REAL, and to re-seed the hole I left with something that might grow better, and that is better than what was there before… is to stop blaming the person I hurt, and STOP hurting them period.
That is true regret, and fixing something you are truly sorry for…or trying to. Understanding that it is your cross to bear, is another facet.
You did it.
Some things you can’t fix later.
I admit that I’m flawed, and I have hurt countless people in my life that I did not intend to…and some I did.
Still, the choice was mine to make; so whatever forgiveness I can seek out and earn back from my loved ones because I’m truly sorry and want to make it better; just fixes me… in the end… from within; because I honestly don’t deserve the chance to fuck it up again; but you’re trusting me not to; so I won’t. I owe you THAT much.
This I know for sure.
We’ve all been on both sides, without wanting to; and both sides suck.
I know the pain I’VE caused others is real; the trauma I carry from others hurting me is real….
And so is MY truth…
My absolute resolve is that I am indeed a very complex individual, with issues that have been fed too much, for too long…and I am just tired of dealing with certain feelings, and I’m tired of myself most of all for being tired…even though I know some of it, isn’t my fault at all…
A lot of it is.
J.Rounds ©2017 ~Peaces of ME