Get a job Jen…

I woke up today and wasn’t really feeling it, but now I’m doing fairly alright.

4 months, 16 days sober.

It’s sometimes hard to forgive myself, when I’ve made such a mess of my life.  I realize that just because I’m doing the right thing now; doesn’t mean there’s not still repercussions of the past to have to deal with.

It’s not so enjoyable.

I’m fairly certain that it’ll be ok. It’s just that not all the puzzle pieces are there yet, and it’s literally like some kind of video game that I’m trying to manuver my way through legitly; without losing my life or sanity.

It sounds dramatic… but that’s how it feels.

Today I will go to the animal hotel next door, and see if they might be hiring. I’m good with animals, and I figure my situation is nothing that more money couldn’t help. I’ll also go to the Alzheimers senior care building…surely they need help with something. I can clean, cook well too. I don’t know.

How bad do I want to work for a life that is what I want it to be?

At this point, I’m done sitting back, and trying to do it my way exclusively.

I need a job, and that’s just what has to happen next.

Anybody wanna’ hire a weirdo with a good heart and an OCD brain? 😉

Love yourself.

J.Rounds ©2017 ~Peaces of ME

No simple way, so I’ll F bomb some…There’s the warning…

You just have to love my ridiculous blog names, if nothing else. LOL *rolls eyes.

There are NO “simples” in my life AT ALL.

Every single thing I try to do has a process, or a sub-process of a process that I have to do, before I can ever get anything fucking done. It’s seriously just like math, which I cannot stand AT ALL.

It’s frustrating. It’s draining. It makes me want to bash my head into a tree and fire automatic weapons at sides of beef. 

No joke.

If that makes me sound crazy and stressed out, then I have made my point. 

It just never ends. 

It’d be fine if it was like 35% of the time all fucked up; but I’m riding on a high 80-90% average; and seriously, I’m just done with it.

I do not know why extremely shitty people of the world, seem to get everything with minimal effort, and skate on through life like they don’t give a shit about anyone or anything; and I have to play nice with God and keep tumbling through life feeling like a plastic bag in the wind; even though I’m putting in every effort I can muster.

I mean, COME ON.

Even when every single thing is in order, there is ALWAYS a glitch that creates MORE full-on anxiety and days of worry. 

Really it’s nothing 20 grand and a fucking break wouldn’t fix. 

WTF is that?

I don’t know what breaks are at all.  The only “breaks” I’ve had, have been the times I checked into the psych ward. 

Enough said.

NO, I’m not whining. I’m pissed off and tired of fucking bullshit and life’s bullshit, and the way you need money, money, money for fucking everything, and there’s just NO end to it.

It seems that clawing and scratching my way through is the only thing that ever gets me anywhere. 

I don’t know how to be OK with that.

My brain really can’t take it much longer, and I’m tired of the struggling.

Picking up the pieces of a broken life is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, besides my son dying. TRUTH.

At the moment I feel calm; but I’m just waiting for the NEXT fucked up thing to happen. 

Seriously.

Trying to love myself; because I know if I don’t, I’ll fail for sure. 

3 days of more waiting. 

Friday can’t come soon enough.

I’m running out of air, and it is thick.

I’m super stoked for the rest of the day.

J.Rounds (c)2017 ~Peaces of ME