Thoughts on Value and Acceptance.

I think one of the biggest issues I’ve had in life, is my rather overwhelming need to feel like I’m truly being valued and heard; but never really feeling it fully at all, from anyone or anywhere.

This includes by people in my real life, as well as on social media, and in social situations.

It used to make me sad……. that I wasn’t worth the effort or love; the time, concern, respect, or loyalty….”What’s wrong with me? Why does everyone treat me like I’m nothing?”  Blah, blah, blah.

I always ended up on the wrong end of things….I was a bitter person because of it. I blamed everybody else for every situation I was in.

My thoughts in the past with value and acceptance, where based off of a dysfunctional childhood that I couldn’t let go of; a life of discontent, addictive behaviors, and mental health issues. I still have some of those issues.

I used to get all bitchy and dramatic about it…and sometimes, I still do. Although all my core Bullshit remains;  I’d like to think, that those moments have reduced severely since last year. 

Truthfully, there’s only a few people I even care about enough anymore, to let close enough to get past my wall. Truthfully, no one owes me one damn thing in this life. Truthfully, I’m just trying to finish this blog post that I started over a year ago.

My thoughts on value and acceptance now, are based off principle and common sense.

My value isn’t worth anything, if I have to talk you into believing that I’m valuable; even when I’m proving it with my actions already….and vice versa.

I’m not going to spend time talking you into anything.

There it is; there’s my current way of thinking.

I’ve learned to live in real life; and with the apologies and validations, that I will never get. I’m not going to spend time on something that makes me feel empty; it doesn’t matter what or who it is.

Neither should you.

I’ve personally found that it’s best to invest quality time on yourself; so that no matter what, you’re good in your own worth; on your own; because that’s all that matters.

Many people see value in many things; but most don’t even realize the value of something;  miss out on it all together; or don’t even care to find it.

Life goes on. 

To value myself is the greatest gift I ever gave myself….NO returns. 

Some days I have to dig deeper than others; but I do know at the end of the day; I’m good. 

There’s quite a power in that on a whole because it makes you better able to genuinely practice healthy living. 🙂 

Also; If you don’t value yourself;  no one else will. If it’s not even worth it to you; you can’t much expect it to be worth it to anyone else either.

Love yourself. 

J.Rounds ©2016 ~Peaces of ME


Reconsideration. 

I’ve decided to keep this blog going after all. It would be like turning my back on a part of myself that’s good; and that would just be stupid.

Two years of my life, today, on digital world view. As hard as it’s been….Finding yourself;  in the midst of random strangers; is a good way to deal/heal fears, and is very freeing.

I reserve my right to make harmless, reversable, bipolar decisions.

………………………………………………..

I turned off and deactivated my social media accounts to focus on my goals.

I am 67 days sober.

There is a light in me again that grows stronger every single day.

I am grateful for the people in my life.

I realized that being afraid of failure, is keeping me from doing what I need to do to succeed.

I also realized that I can’t much do anything or get anything done, if I don’t do it.

Fear of failure is not an option for me any longer. It’s held me down for most of my life; and that’s just over now.

Love yourself. 

 J.Rounds ©2017 ~Peaces of ME

THIS life.

There is a peace that is with me lately that I carry. I feel that THIS life, is finally a good life I can be happy and proud to say I’m living. 

I have come full circle, and I am moving forward in positive ways. I needed to hack through the BS that was me and my life; and find myself, forgive myself, let go of the pain I carried deep in me, and find some sort of solice in the things I could not control.

It is the fear of the unknown that generally stops most of us that have struggled and failed before, from trying again. Or stops anyone in general for that matter. My opinion only.

My mother always said I had the “Big picture syndrome”, in that I would often obsess on things I had no way of knowing would happen. Freaked myself out over things that were not even there, or realistic. Fear of the unknown. It clouded my rational thinking a lot, and it’s the number one thing that I think has kept me from achieving much of anything solid, in terms of reaching my personal goals and highest potential, according to me. Floundering is the best word I think that describes how I’ve led my life, and felt much of my life. Just floundering through life, with no real hope of anything resembling contentness or success.

I guess I just reached the ultimate bottom in my life, and I just decided I was better than that, and started changing for the sake of my children and personal happiness.

I mean let’s face it, the only other option I was looking at was total destruction in many regards. Fuck that. I’m not going down like that.

FINALLY, I have my shit together for the most part. Things are clicking into place nicely and each day, I deal with the day as it comes. I don’t need to know what happens tomorrow. I know that today I’ll live fully, like it was my last one.

That’s where I’m at now. My cats and I are saying goodbye to PA because theres nothing keeping us here, and hello to Ohio, and a real life with my love.
I’m closer to my children and family and I will be better able to travel to Michigan. Stepping up school to full-time, joining a gym, focusing on my photography, writing, and future photo shoots I will be doing. Already some projects in the works. All my plans and ideas are all doable and attainable, and I’m fucking happy 🙂

It’s everything I thought it could be and then some. And it doesn’t even all make sense, it just feels like certain victory and this is why I never gave up.

I knew I’d get here. I’m content in my life and skin.

Looking forward to 2017. Looking forward to tonight with friends. Looking forward to tomorrow if it comes.

The light in me is getting brighter every day.

There is a peace that is with me lately that I carry. I feel that THIS life, is finally a good life I can be happy and proud to say I’m living.

Love yourself. Don’t give up.

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J.Rounds (c)2017 ~Peaces of Me

Monday, November 7th, 2016

Except for Math, today has been great. I still don’t know why there needs to be a different process for absolutely every math operation though….it shouldn’t be so confusing. To me, it really is.  I’m convinced it’s just a bunch of number loving people, making it much more difficult than it has to be, for the  rest of us.

Yes I’m math dumb, and I always will be. Don’t hate.

But enough of that.

So in the process of painting my apartment, a meeting with my case worker and my day in general; this happened!

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I hit 60 days sober…again. I’m really hoping this will be the last time I have to cross this milestone, and I’m looking forward to the next sober month milestone already. I’m working on it day by day, and for me it’s a good sign, considering the fact that I haven’t even been thinking about it. So grateful for that. I don’t forsee having any issues making it another 30. I’m confident and I won’t let myself slip with daily work. I know this.

The very best thing about today is that I got to talk to my kids again tonight, and not only did my son pass drivers training, but he also called me to tell me so! It was a great surprise and it made me feel good that he wanted to share it with me. So proud of him!!

I also had a really good conversation with my youngest daughter, and it’s getting really plain to see that she has a lot of my good qualities in her.  🙂 She’s such a dreamer and smart and in love with life. A writer, a reader, likes to disect things in science class. Lol. I’m missing out. I want to be there. We talked about a lot of things, and it was really nice to have that bit of closeness that I was hoping we’d find again.  I hope it will grow. With both my youngest kids.

I’ve got a lot I’m doing right now and it’s all in anticipation of next Springs goals and preparing for the things I intend to get done.

It’s days like this that turn out good without really trying, that make me hopeful that things may just have a happy ending in the end after all.

Having hope keeps you afloat and able to keep dreaming.

My story isn’t close to being fished yet either.

In some ways, I feel like it’s only just begun.

Loving my kids, my day, and my life tonight.

To me that’s priceless.

Another day in the books.

J. ROUNDS (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

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Labor Day 2016

So I’m doing pretty well.

After today I’ll be caught up on school again, and the weather is still nice, so my depression has kind of taken a back seat for the moment; which is great.

I feel I need to change my schedule around a little bit still; because even though I wake up at 7am every morning, I still feel like I could be challenging myself more in the “healthy living” catagory, and it’s still really hard for me to focus.  I think excersize and eating better might help this naturally. I’m hoping anyways. I’m going to make a conscious effort to eat better and drink more water.

Having *glitch problems on mytrendingstories.com, and I’m waiting for the problem to be fixed, so I can get up and running full speed. Hopefully it will be sorted by tomorrow.

For the moment I am just trying to maintain the responsibilities I do have.

My bills are paid, and I am healthy.

Those are two big things I can be grateful for today.

By the way, my Bettie hair is back! ❤

Love yourself.

J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

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