Pretty sure it’s Tuesday, and the fact that I had to think about that is sad; still…

My mood is better today.

I can’t expect to feel positive all the time, when there are real problems I’m dealing with.

I’m not afraid anymore to say when I feel like shit inside, and I guess that is one good thing.  

Truth be told, I have no reason to trust anybody; or care. 

I think that’s a rather fucked up and selfish way of looking at things though; so I’m again looking on the bright side….because I actually hate feeling shitty…I don’t know if any of you have realized this by now, or not. I know it may be hard at points to tell.

If I could change one thing about myself, it would be my pessimism on life in general.

I work on it daily to control it; because I know that my attitude, directly affects my whole day, and life. Lately I’ve been failing.

It is still hard to stop up the leaks in my heart; for valid reasons that will always suck.

For that, I wish there were a solid cure that worked…

Faith seems to be the only option to slow it down.

Day 142 on the sober count; keeping it real, like always.

Love yourself.

J.Rounds ©2017 ~Peaces of ME

Good Friday to You

Life is good at the moment for me, and truthfully it’s because I’ve done some healing and some accepting of things just these last few days, so I’m feeling rather positive and motivated about life in general; 

calm.

It feels good to be able to let certain things go and not let it bother me. I’m not quite sure what’s happening, but life FEELS like it’s getting easier. The decisions are clearer, and easier to make, even though sometimes still hard. There’s a working, doable plan. I know I’m going to be ok. I’m starting to finally understand myself; my needs vs. wants; I’m not feeling uptight about much. I get to the point where my reasoning kicks in, and I’m good. I can’t control half of it anyways. 

My anxiety is low; also, it’s the start of the weekend. Normally I might be anxious and think stupid things, but really it’s not like that this day. So….I call it riding the wave, and that’s what I’m doing. I’m not worrying about anything until I have to.

No point in that.

My main concern is finding a way to be productive financially, and still keep my stress level low so I can maintain productivity.

I guess since I can’t seem to sell this light kit of mine I got for school, I’m going to teach myself how to use it. I really dont want to go to school again, because quite frankly, I feel like it’s a waste of time and money right now. I’m also 40 grand in, regarding school loans, so yeah….no. I know enough already to proceed to something that makes me happy, and I’m going from there. I know I have enough brains in my head to figure it out.

I’m literally living each day as it comes. Eventually the effort I am putting in to move forward, will pay off. I’m really wanting to get this Etsy store idea open and running, and I’ve got a shit ton of stuff to do on it…STILL. So not going fast enough for me.

Things are starting to be more stable now with a lot of needed changes, so I think I might be able to focus on it, and the things I need to do to get it up and running. 

I’m hoping to have it officially open by November. It’ll be a mix of stuff. Personal Art, photographic images and mixed media creations of various kinds, vintage things, odd things, ME things. I’m quite crafty, so I’m  excited to have a good goal to focus on. Also considering a calendar as it’s been mentioned numerous times to make.

Other avenues could open if it takes off at all. I resign to be happy more than anything, and get off this SSI if I can. I hate it. I’m doing it on my own terms, because it’s the only way I’ll ever be happy.

I really hate the Government more than ever these days.dl Depending on them sucks, and is NOT a way of life.

I am determined to beat the stigma of mental illness and addiction in the end; and I will do it.

This weekend will be for planting flower beds if the rain holds off.

Cash flow could be better, but otherwise I’m solid.

Enjoy your weekend.

Love yourself.

J. Rounds ©2017 ~Peaces of ME