Allowing Myself to Realize Real Life and Me

I think of all the times that others have stolen parts of my soul; either by deep emotional or physical hurt; and why I did absolutely nothing about it; but take it.

Some wounds are special kinds of gifts wrapped up in empty feelings, fear, and many sleepless nights. Dreams that never had a chance of coming true, but swept you away in the madness of what could have been; became your friend, and the only thing you wanted to know. Taught you a lesson…although hard to bear.

Pain.

You get blinded by it. You become used to it. You forget to look within yourself for any kind of answers at all, and you start to feel comfortable with the good in the bad.

For me it’s a very familiar feeling to have; although these days I am trying to do the right thing. I am trying to be the better person… let my pain go…Forgive. Forgive myself.

But I still will never forget.

We all carry pain inside us that will never leave; and we all carry secrets. When you try to live in it, you become a product of your enviroment. Over the last years I have tried to speak candidly and truthfully about some of the pain that I carry.

This has been a blessing and a curse.

I am not a perfect person, but I am a good person. This much I know for sure. My ghosts hurt me mostly now, because I think about what my life would have been like, had I made better  choices for myself. I also know, I can’t go back, only forward.

I hope that maybe someday soon I can find it in my heart to forgive you for good…and myself.

In the end I know it is for the best.

Love yourself.
J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

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Live, Love, Laugh

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Today has been a wonderful day for me, because I decided it would be.

I’ve talked to a lot of people I care about and needed to catch up with, but haven’t. I’m currently two days in with the not smoking thing (patches on), and it’s going great and I’m proud of myself. I’m on track with school. I’m healthy and alive and sober.

I have a lot to be grateful for.

Lately, my head was really being consumed with things it ought not to be consumed with. It was stalling me, and holding me back. I finally decided that I should probably  start making an effort to put out as much as I *receive, and spending time on people who actually deserve it and love me; as it should be.

I’m happy to be moving on in my life finally. I am really focusing on making the changes still needed.

I am in full-speed ahead mode; and at this point, I can’t see myself stopping.

I’m hoping soon that I can prove to my ex-husband, that’s it’s safe to let me talk to my children again…because I really miss them and I have to work on those relations. My kids are all I have, and I don’t have them now. I need them. I need to at least have the communication open to try.

My ex-husband is a good father, a sensible man, and I know he knows this.

In time.

For now, I’m getting through this day with a smile on my face. It is genuine, and not forced. 🙂

I feel the changes happening in me every day, and I just know things will be happy and fulfilling in the end for me; if I just don’t stop moving forward. I’m actually really excited. I needed this latest series of events to happen, to get my ass back in actual reality again.

Today was an excellent day.

This is my story, and I’m writing it daily as I go along.

Love yourself.
J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

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Trip to Philly. August, 2016

So I went to Philly for a Coldplay concert, and the trip was awesome. It was a beautiful day, and lovely clouds. I didn’t really get to see much else as my girlfriend wasn’t feeling well because of the humidity.  I did manage to get these shots just the same. I will be returning for sure.

J. Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

June 27, 2016

Even though you are scared shitless and don’t think anything is going to be O.K. at all right now; IT’S GOING TO BE O.K.; O.K.?!  Just believe it and make it so. You are a strong person and you can do anything you set your mind to.

You can do it. You have been through, and survived, worse things than this.

Love yourself.

J.Rounds 2016~Peaces of me

I Will Eat You Alive

Just start at the beginning.

The beginning of what?

The beginning of today.

What happens when I get to the end?

Start over.

All you have is today,  you know.

Or not.

J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

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Update Feb.3rd, 2016

For what it’s worth there’s a side road in my plan I’m going down; but I’m confident in the end It’ll be a good thing for my future and the best way.

I talked to my mother and she agrees fully. I’m so thankful for her.

Plan is still on track, just will take a little bit longer.
I don’t see that being a bad thing at all. Just a better way to prepare for a plan B in case the need for it should arrive.

I’m happy.

Love yourself.
J.Rounds (c) ~Peaces of Me

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Peace

For everything, truth be told, she was a giver and a dreamer. Some people took advantage of these facts… but some people didn’t; and she smiled when she thought of them.

She had had to learn many things the hard way…most things; but the things she had learned, were more valuable than anything she had ever had to endure.

Peace comes to those who truly seek it; no matter what trials and tribulations one might have to fight through to get there.

Her future held more than  she could even imagine and she was glad to finally be allowing herself the opportunity to fully live it.

She was still a giver and a dreamer; because that’s who she was.

She was just one seeking peace every day now, for herself. She owed herself that much.

J.Rounds (c) 2016 ~Peaces of Me

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Fine`

There’s always going to be the underlying tug of what “could” have been, “if only”.

A million people can love you, but if it’s not the one you want it to be, then it just doesn’t make one difference at all.

I fear I will never find happiness because of this and the way I think.

I wish I could turn it on and off like other people seem to be able to do.

Instead I bitch and whine about it to get it out, in hopes it will not infect me any longer and it’ll stop hurting.

J.Rounds (c) 2016~Peaces of Me

Affirmations. Because I Need to Focus on Today.

Live for things you know to be true and real. This idea of “what could have been” is drowning you. Never was; never could be.

Focus on those who want to be in your life and show it. You do the same; it matters most.

You have more to offer than some people will ever see; that doesn’t mean you’ll never get anywhere, or you’ll never be happy, and that you don’t deserve to be.

Forward is the only direction that’s going to get you anywhere.

You know the drill.

J.Rounds (c) 2016 ~Peaces of Me

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