I am Not Afraid.

I am not afraid of the dark anymore; this is why I can travel through it.

It has made me stronger.

Time.

It heals most things.

But the real healing comes in facing the demons inside.

Ruthless reminders of the past, put upon the shelf of life, where they belong.

You owe it to yourself to live the life that you were given.

Not just give it away to whatever and whoever would take it from you.

Be grateful because it will save your life.

You make your own path in life, no one else. There is hope on the other side of despair. Always. Reach for it.

Be grateful every time you conquer adversity.

Look yourself straight in the eye, and be proud. You deserve to acknowledge that you did not break where you would have before.

There is internal strength and acceptance that comes in that gesture. Grace, healing, courage…so many other things.

Be kind to yourself every day.

In doing that, you can also be kind to others.

You will want to be.

Be the person you needed to be all along.

It spreads to others like a rash.

Love yourself.

J.Rounds ©2018 ~Peaces of ME

Re-reading Past Writings

Something I decided to share because I’m healing.  I’ve been going over a lot of my writings from past years. So much dark and hurt and heavy. It’s hard to read. I believe if I didn’t have my writing I would have slit my throat, overdosed, or hung myself. I know I would have. Grief can kill you if you don’t get a handle on it. For me, that’s what I had to do. I still have bad times of course, but mostly life is slowly starting to even out. Opting out is no longer an option for me; and I’m able to recover more quickly from my “moments”. (Usually) Medication helps.

Sometimes you come across certain things, that I believe you’re supposed to see for a reason. I have battled with myself and my faith since I learned what “God” was, or what they said he was supposed to be.

This is one of my many letters to “God”.

Not sure what it means that I saw this. Perhaps nothing at all. Perhaps it’s to remind me of how far I’ve come…or where I need to go.

I’m not really sure how it works.

??
What about me?
What about how I hurt inside?

Isn’t it enough to know I struggle everyday? Isn’t THAT enough for you???

What about my feelings? My weaknesses? My triggers? My little boy, burned up and sitting in a box, on a shelf, that YOU took away?

Doesn’t it matter that I want to be well and become better and forget?

Doesn’t any of it matter at all?

It matters to me.

And I don’t even know what this life means anymore.

You abandoned me when I needed you the most.

I don’t believe you exist or ever did.      (2010)

I think it is a very normal feeling to struggle with your faith after you’ve been through something that will forever change you and leaves a massive void.

I’m not going to go on about “God”, or lack there of. I think religion is a personal journey; much like life.

This just made me remember and cry. I remember those times. It was still fresh, and the feelings bit at me every waking moment.

It has been a very long, very hard 8 years. I still ask all of those questions on a bad day.

I needed to see this. I needed to remember; and I needed to share it. That that was then, and this is NOW.

Now is so much better. I also know the answers to most of those questions too.

Believe in and love yourself. It lies within you. The rest follows.

I am grateful for my life.

J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

image

A Writers’ Peace

There’s just some days it hurts a little bit more.

True fact.

I don’t much write about my good times, I tend to photograph them.

My bad times though I have to write about them, and feel compelled to. It helps to process the feelings I have inside, and lowers my anxiety. Another reason I make lists as well.

I go back and read the stuff that I’ve written sometimes. It’s a form of self-healing and comfort to me. I do it for me….

Writing has taught me to become a stronger person that I *never thought that I could become.

It is my best friend.

J.Rounds (c)2015 ~Peaces of Me

image