Employee of the month to management?

I forgot to document this, so I’m doing it now.

Last week I got employee of the month!!


Yeah. 🙂 It was a goal of mine; and wouldn’t you know it, I met that goal without even knowing or realizing it, until one of my bosses pointed out the fact.

I was stoked, because I really love my job, the animals, and the people I work with. I’ve been putting in my full effort since I started, and I intend to keep going.

It may sound ridiculous to some…but I’ve never had a job that felt so rewarding.

It motivates me; and although it can be kind of chaotic sometimes; I’ve learned a lot about dogs that I didn’t know before, made some good friends, and I ADORE every, single one of the dog kids I get to take care of. I just couldn’t ask for any better thing to do for money, besides working for myself…and that will come.

Point is; it makes me happy. 🙂

I like being happy.

There is a management position open that I have decided to apply for. I have to put a resume in.

I don’t know if I’ll get the position or not; but I was told by a lot of staff and my boss, that I should apply.

Another one of my goals is to work my way completely off of SSI again; and I know I can do it, if I get this position.

I’m staying positive and hopeful about it.

I’ve decided to put in my resume, and see how it goes. I figure if I don’t try for it, I’ll be disappointed anyways; I’m not axing my chances with things anymore, out of fear of failing. Instead, I’m putting in the effort and taking the chance.

The time is now to go for it; and I know no matter what happens, I still have the best job ever; to me; none the less.

I can’t really lose.

Good things come to those who put the effort in.

I am glad that I believe in who I am, and what I can do now.

Me being a late bloomer; would be the biggest understatement ever.

Wish me luck!!

Love yourself.

J.Rounds ©2018 ~Peaces of ME

And I Ran.

And then the day comes that you see the person you used to be…

And you run from her. 

You keep running until she stops running after you. 

You are conditioned for this.

You have conditioned yourself.

You run and you run, until finally…

You breathe a sigh of relief;

Because you know, you’ve won the race. 

Because you put the effort in

And ran.

She couldn’t keep up after the gun went off.

But you kept running.

Because you wanted to make sure you won. 

I am sober 9 months, 24 days.

Love yourself. 

J.Rounds ©2018 ~Peaces of ME

It’s not Impossible and is Never too Late, to Change the Negative Things You Grew up Learning. 

Change is hard, when you are conditioned to believe a certain way; or have conditioned yourself to think a certain way; because that’s the way you’ve always known for so long.

That does not mean that change is not possible, if it is something that you really choose to do for yourself.

People do it every day. 

You can be one of those people.


I used to feel afraid of saying how I felt, because I thought that no one cared to hear me; or I would offend someone because I had an opinion that didn’t match theirs; or I would get in trouble some how.

In the end, the only one that suffered for it….was ME

When I was a child…many times just walking into the room, would cause my step-father to react badly to me. Especially if he had been drinking.  I was conditioned to believe that I needed to be a certain way… or stay away… or do this, this way… Or think this way… for any kind of safety; regarding not getting hit or punished; or for any kind of valid love my step-father ever gave me (or my idea of what I thought “valid love” was, back then, as a child.)

I tried to act accordingly…but often failed because the goal was unattainable. I was not my step-father’s real child; and because of that, he hated me for it. I was treated as if something was wrong with me; and nothing was ever good enough…much differently than my two sisters, that were his blood, and real children.

I just stopped trying after a while, and rebelled instead.

I never thought highly of myself at all; and it showed by my actions.

I think writing saved my life when I was younger; because I could get my thoughts down and out of my mind, and I didn’t have to upset anyone in the process.

I could say the things to my father that I wanted to say, without fear. I could also bury my thoughts to be able to cope.

The truth is my father scared me. Every day, up until the time he left my mother, I was afraid of what the day held at my house. I stayed away from my house as much as I could growing up; and then when I was older and into my older teen years, I hated my step-father as much as I ever loved him.

Hate is a strong word, and a sin, I know.

I still did though.

I held on to that hate for so long, and the conditioning carried over into my adult life.

I subconsciously and consciously sought out people that were never truly satisfied with anything, as well as anything I did. I became the same kind of way.

I was used to conforming to what people wanted. I spent a great deal of my life doing it.  Almost 40 years. It often was never good enough, because I wasn’t being me…and it always came through. I melted into the idea of what other people wanted me to be, because every time I had an opinion that didn’t match someone else’s….bad things seemed to happen. In my head, I expected it to happen, Sometimes made it happen too. 

Occassionally still, it seems to still be that way;

but I am learning…

It took me a long time to realize, that the person really holding me back…was ME.

In fact, I struggle a lot with that core truth. 

Me being afraid to be myself; and voice my own opinions; was something I learned as a child; and I had to unlearn that way of unhealthy thinking. 

I am un-learning it STILL. It’s a process.

It’s taken actual effort, and time; and it’s not something that can be changed without either of these things.

I started to look at my life, and my choices that I did have control over. My father doesn’t call the shots for my life anymore…I DO. I can’t blame my past for my current life and problems anymore; because all it brings to me is despair and spinning wheels. 

There are many people in the world, who have had similar stories to mine, or even WAY worse things they’ve struggled through and have had to endure…and they HAVE.

I know it doesn’t make my struggle any less real to me; or any less painful; but I’m just saying, THOSE people who put the work in to change their way of thinking about their negative experiences; have most often endured; and went on to become much better people in the end of it all because of it; because they chose to learn from their struggle; take ownership of it; and rise above it, to achieve much greater, more positive things. 

A different way of thinking. Positive thinking and effort. Little, positive things adding up to bigger positive things; adding up to better positive thinking, and a better positive life in general. 

And it’s like that; and what I’ve found. 

Every day I try to be better than yesterday, to myself.

I figured I’ve spent a great deal of effort into making myself suffer in life, and those around me as well. I can make an equally, conscious effort into being decent and sober; and working every day for a healthy life, and a solid mind-set.

What I’ve really found is that THAT’S what suits ME best; and it’s when I’m most proud of myself. 

You can do it too. 

Make the choice to move forward, and don’t look back anymore. 

You can help people understand who you are; by being YOU, without apology.

Don’t let yourself down anymore, or live in the negative things you’ve learned. 

It’s worth it to make the choice to un-learn those things, because it will affect everything you do, and everyone you know, for the better. 

Only YOU can live YOUR life, and be proud of who YOU are. 

There’s really no kind of happiness without it; and you’ll forever be thankful that you can just be, without regret.

Love yourself.

J. Rounds ©2018 ~Peaces of ME

To be Present. My Visit with my Children in Michigan.

I was very anxious and also nervous to see my kids this last Saturday. When I saw them… all that left me.

I became elated.

Sitting there with them in those first moments; when I actually was faced with the realization of just how much I had missed out on these last years without them; I automatically began to feel so small and unworthy of their love; also ashamed of myself. There are no words for it…

I know that feeling will take time to go away; and I had to push it aside and focus…but it’s still there. As it should be, maybe…I don’t know. I struggle with it.

My kids are as beautiful and amazing as I remember. It was the very best thing to see them. I needed to be present; to talk with them and hug them. I needed to make that effort to show I could be…and can be there, when I say I will be. In the past I have made promises that I could not keep. That is over now.

 I know it was just one visit, and that I have a long way to go. I know that things are not the same anymore, and that none of us can get the time back ….but it is a start of better things to come…I am sure of it. Also a huge goal for myself that I have met…a first step of being there for them. 

My kids and I spent time together; and we laughed 🙂 I got to give them their gifts from the holidays; it was nice to see them open them in person. We bowled, ate and played video games, and laughed some more. 

It was a good time.

If I’m being totally honest, then it makes sense to tell you this as well. It was awkward for me at points, because I tend to over think things a lot; and I think for me, that was really the reason for that feeling. I want to be positive around my children you see; and always if I can manage the very highest percentage of that. I try to put myself in my kids minds sometimes…but I know that it’s not smart to do so much…because my guilt comes again…and it makes it hard to focus on the moment. Also not going to help me be Jenni today. 

I guess it’s to be expected for a while…that I’d do that, though. Guilt can kill you, but it’s way worse when it’s guilt about your present.  I don’t have guilt at all about my present self. I am grateful for the fact that I can feel again. I wish I could stop the feelings of the past that pop up though; quicker; until it goes away for good, because it sucks to replay in your head. Maybe that is selfish, but I can’t be positive when I feel like I’m shit. It’s unhealthy to dwell on the negative past too; because it cannot be changed. I tell myself that.

Geez….what am I going to do with you Jenni.


It’s strange to see my children growing so fast; and it is hard to get the memories of when they were younger into proper focus sometimes. That was then; and this is indeed now. They are both so kind and smart; beautiful and handsome;  both amazing kids, growing into amazing bigger ones. 🙂 

It was really a sight for sore eyes, and very comforting to me…despite my fleeting thoughts of guilt.

I have made a promise to myself, to make sure I never let them down again. I cannot. That is a solid commitment that I can only fulfill with my actions, and by remaining sober…and I will;  doing it day by day….like today; I will make that choice to live

I’m dying if I drink again….I don’t want to drink…. It ruins everything, every time. That is a fact for me, and you can definitely agree, based on my BS track record.

I don’t know, but…..

I feel as if my entire life came to a head when I had to say goodbye. I tried not to cry, but I couldn’t help it. 

I hope they will forgive me for that….sometimes it just comes out.

In the future, I will either be moving back to Michigan, or somewhere way closer to Michigan.  I want and need to be there for my kids in whatever capacity I can, and that they want or need me to be. I do not know what that will be; but I will be there for them regardless, and none the less…by being able to physically see them more, if that is something the future holds.

I owe them that. I want to be there. I wasn’t…but I can be now.

Although I do think it was a good thing that I left Michigan; I don’t think the way I did it, or the circumstances surrounding my move; did anything but cause a huge rift, that is not repairable.

I hope that new, good memories, and my solid commitment to be well; can replace the bad ones, until they sink to the bottom and get lost.

My kids will always be my kids; and I hope now that they see me well, they will start to realize that I am different than when I was sick, and want to know me again. 

That’s my hope.

I’m just going to continue to call them, and decide about what would be best with everything else, as it comes. I’m trying not to be overly dramatic about everything, because I know that it’ll just make things more confusing for everyone. 

It is a very emotional time for me right now though.

I appreciate my ex for being so respectful towards me; and for him and his wife allowing me the opportunity to see my children; because they didn’t have to. 

I know it’s because I am backing up my words with actual positive actions now…and also that that’s the way it SHOULD have been all along. 

People CAN change for the better, if they really want to.

 I thank you both for giving me a chance to prove it to my kids… because it means more than I can tell you.

My kids are happy and thriving, and I count my blessings every day to know this. 

This is the first chapter in a road of twists and turns with them I’m sure…but I can’t say enough how much seeing them, made me know that I’m on the right path in my life. I knew that before; but it was re-affirming.  I know it’s not going to always be easy; but I am moving forward. 

I owe it to my kids (all 4), to continue. I owe it to myself. I owe it to my family. I owe it to my true friends, and anybody that ever looked up to me. 

I am 9 months and 16 days sober; and every day that I am alive is a gift, and a chance to make a positive difference in the world. 

I know this; and I finally feel like it’s all possible. It’s nothing without my children, and it’s nothing without my sobriety and the truth of life.

This I know for sure. 

Whatever happens from here on out, is directly hooked into these three things.  My direct efforts are going into them…because to me, it’s the only thing that matters to me at this point.

Love yourself.

J.Rounds ©2017 ~Peaces of ME

 A Trip to Michigan.

Every day I am up by 6 am, but this day has felt particularly long to me for some reason. I was happy to have the small dogs at work tonight for a change; because you just can’t not love the small dogs. They make me happy 🙂

I’ve been hesitant to mention it; but I was able to get the time off of work that I needed, to visit my children in Michigan. I will see them in three more days. This is the first time in over two years.

I don’t much know what to say about that; except that I am regretful for many things regarding my kids…and this would be one of those things for certain. I have let them down in the past; and so now that everything is in place, I feel a little less anxious about it. 

Probably why I was hesitant to mention it.

I am nervous for various reasons; but also so excited and grateful to be seeing my kids. I hope it will be the start of more positive things between us, in the future. I don’t think I can hope or expect more.  I will also get to see my mother…which is also awesome. 
I couldn’t be happier about going. I feel more nervous about the weather, than anything else. 

I’m staying positive about it all; because that’s my M.O. now…

T will also be with me; so with the two of us together, it’s going to be an exciting trip there and back for sure. 

Love Yourself.

J.Rounds ©2018 ~Peaces of ME

To Live…2018.

Every year I look back with a new respect for myself, the people I love, and the fact that the world is still spinning.

2017 is no exception.

On this 2018 New Years Day, I am nine months, six days sober. I’m finding every day that my attitude about things I find hard to deal with in life; only changes when I change it; allow the change to happen; and embrace the change fully. I have learned a lot this year about myself; and to what extremes I will go to for health and happiness.

I do not have to hold on to turmoil; or things, habits or people that cause my life stress or harm; and to spin out of control. I do not have to be that kind of person, that focuses on the negative either…and have been doing well In that area, compared to how I used to be. 

I’ll take that.

To value myself in times when others may not, or in situations that may not be ideal for me; causes a rift in my unhealthy thinking cycles; and it then pushes me towards the positive change, that is now starting to stem to every other aspect of myself, and my life.

Little things have added up.

The change was and is still slow sometimes; it is always ongoing, and often still frustrating….

But I AM becoming.


This year, I’ve made a promise to myself, to live every single day as if it were my last and without regret at all; and to also help as many people as I can to feel worthy of doing the very same… NO REGRETS. I have goals that I’m excited to meet; and a hope that I will get to where I need to be; if I just keep, keeping on.
I look back at this last year….and it was difficult, but worth every single second. 

2018 is going to be a solid year for me, because I refuse to let it be anything else. 

It’s taken me a long time to get here….and I know it’s just begun. 

I couldn’t be more excited.

I hope your New Year will be full of positive things, happy moments, and goals met.

I also hope you rock it in your own kick-ass way…and LIVE it like there’s no tomorrow… Because that’s what really matters. 🙂

Love yourself. 

J.Rounds ©2018 ~Peaces of ME

Hope for Texas and myself.

Last days of Summer are here already; it’s in the air, and undeniable. 

Not sure how I feel about that.

I am five months, six days sober, and I think I’ve been doing fairly well keeping level and positive these last days.

I’ve got too many things to do, and not enough money to do it. Correction: I’ve got too many things I NEED to do, and not enough money to do it. 

Imagine that. 

I decided to change my availability at the PET HOTEL to, “just let me work, I don’t care what time, or what shift.“; in hopes I can get some kind of interview, and spend my time picking up dog and cat shit and talking to animals for money; while I work on my Etsy store and photography/art projects on the side.

I know the animals will help my mood significantly, and I need the money to pay my way into financial responsibility and self-worth again.

Seems legit. 

I’ve done WAY worse things to get money. Enough said.

I’m going to stay positive about it, because I really can’t afford not to. 

I’m well enough to work, I just need to do something that’s going to keep me positive.

For now I’m back to this Etsy thing….and I’m wondering if it wouldn’t be easier to just burn the shit I’m posting, instead. 

I’m grateful because I know that my situation could be way worse.

I think of the people in Texas and the surrounding areas that were affected by the flooding and rain; the children and animals and all of the chaos; the fear and confusion I know those people must be feeling or must have felt. 

I cannot imagine, and don’t want to.

I can’t complain about anything; because mostly I’m just pissed off at myself, my lack of responsibility for my own life, and the way I allowed myself to give up on ME.

I could tell you all my theories about what my issues are and were…but I decided to write a book instead, because it’s too deep to rattle off on a public blog all the time. 

I’ve been writing every day for weeks now, consistently.

It’ll come out when I get to that stage, whenever that is, and if it helps someone in the end besides myself, then it will have been worth writing fully. 

Today I’m just posting a picture of me from two days ago, so you can see I’m still taking it day by day; and still trying to be happy in the best way I can.

Please donate anywhere you are able to, to help the people of Hurricane Harvey rebuild their lives; and have the kind of aftercare, that they will need and deserve.

T and I are donating for now; but it’s got me to thinking about other ways I could help as well…and I want to.

How you can help Harvey victims/survivors

American Red Cross

Count your blessings every day, because you have many more than you realize. 

You do.

As always, Love yourself.

J.Rounds (c)2017 ~Peaces of ME

July 25th, 2017… I’m 46 years old and not dead yet. 

We move first of the month. 🙂

Where there’s a will, there’s a way 🙂

I heard from my eldest daughter, and my mother sent a wonderful birthday card. T wrote me a beautiful song, and we met our goal. 

We are 121 days sober.

 We work for it every day. 

T says there are really no “buts” in happiness….

I agree fully. 

Happy 46th birthday to me. 

I’ve had WAY shittier ones for sure. 

Love yourself.

J.Rounds (c)2017 ~Peaces of ME

3 months ago I stopped drinking alcohol.

I have reached a goal that took all my life, and three months to meet.

My motivation is high, and I’m living in the mindset that I will accomplish all that I truly put effort into doing. 

I figure I’m not assuming the worst of myself right up front anymore, because I’ve proven to myself that I can do what I set out to do. Three months ago, I stopped drinking alcohol…and I haven’t looked back.

A goal met.

I have many more goals to meet; but I’m excited for the challenges. I know it’s not worth it without them.

Peace does come from within. It may not always be around, but it’s a favorite friend of mine that I am always grateful to spend time with. 

Today I am at peace, even though there’s reason not to be. 


I know that no matter what, I have things to be grateful for. 

Also congratulations to my partner in crime. We did it T; I knew we could too. 🙂 ❤
Love yourself.

J.Rounds ©2017 ~Peaces of ME

Thoughts on Value and Acceptance.

I think one of the biggest issues I’ve had in life, is my rather overwhelming need to feel like I’m truly being valued and heard; but never really feeling it fully at all, from anyone or anywhere.

This includes by people in my real life, as well as on social media, and in social situations.

It used to make me sad……. that I wasn’t worth the effort or love; the time, concern, respect, or loyalty….”What’s wrong with me? Why does everyone treat me like I’m nothing?”  Blah, blah, blah.

I always ended up on the wrong end of things….I was a bitter person because of it. I blamed everybody else for every situation I was in.

My thoughts in the past with value and acceptance, where based off of a dysfunctional childhood that I couldn’t let go of; a life of discontent, addictive behaviors, and mental health issues. I still have some of those issues.

I used to get all bitchy and dramatic about it…and sometimes, I still do. Although all my core Bullshit remains;  I’d like to think, that those moments have reduced severely since last year. 

Truthfully, there’s only a few people I even care about enough anymore, to let close enough to get past my wall. Truthfully, no one owes me one damn thing in this life. Truthfully, I’m just trying to finish this blog post that I started over a year ago.

My thoughts on value and acceptance now, are based off principle and common sense.

My value isn’t worth anything, if I have to talk you into believing that I’m valuable; even when I’m proving it with my actions already….and vice versa.

I’m not going to spend time talking you into anything.

There it is; there’s my current way of thinking.

I’ve learned to live in real life; and with the apologies and validations, that I will never get. I’m not going to spend time on something that makes me feel empty; it doesn’t matter what or who it is.

Neither should you.

I’ve personally found that it’s best to invest quality time on yourself; so that no matter what, you’re good in your own worth; on your own; because that’s all that matters.

Many people see value in many things; but most don’t even realize the value of something;  miss out on it all together; or don’t even care to find it.

Life goes on. 

To value myself is the greatest gift I ever gave myself….NO returns. 

Some days I have to dig deeper than others; but I do know at the end of the day; I’m good. 

There’s quite a power in that on a whole because it makes you better able to genuinely practice healthy living. 🙂 

Also; If you don’t value yourself;  no one else will. If it’s not even worth it to you; you can’t much expect it to be worth it to anyone else either.

Love yourself. 

J.Rounds ©2016 ~Peaces of ME