The Choice is Mine to Change How I Think.

I can choose to be the way I am; or become the person I was always meant to be…the BEST version of myself.

I am becoming this slowly but surely.

I can feel it a little more every day.

So many times in my life, I have chosen to meander through situations and surroundings that I’ve “FELT” I could do nothing about.

I have set myself up for failure, before I’ve even begun…so many times; to the point that I’ve already assumed it’ll go nowhere….and therefore I don’t/won’t even make the effort in the first place.

Blah, blah, blah………..

It’s different forms of negative thinking; I hate it; I suffer from it more than I would like to, or like to admit…to this day.

The choice is always mine to make, however. I can decide to look at a situation, literally anyway I want to.   

I’m remembering that; and somehow I’m learning what I need to feel whole inside too.

I am doing the only thing I know how to do at this point.

I’ve resolved to always be true to my soul, no matter what. I cannot be anything to anyone without first being real about who I am, and what I need to become. 

I cannot fake happiness or serenity; and I stopped trying to a long time ago. I’m staying true to my emotional needs because I want to stay sober, and I want solid relationships in my life; built on REAL things, and REAL life.

I wish it was easier.

It’s a fine balance to love and support someone else, who also struggles with “things”; and to mingle it with my own issues I have to deal with, from the “things”…as well.

I AM TRYING.

I’m trying to be the best woman I can all-around, and stay true to myself.  I really hope I can start seeing some kind of solid gain from this soon, because I need it.

I KNOW I have things I need to work on still as well.

The things that I’m not getting, is something that I’ll have to find within myself instead, for the meantime.

Some things need to change, but I’m not giving up.

I am 3 months, and fourteen days sober. 

My outlook is hopeful but cautious. 

Love yourself.

J.Rounds (c)2017 ~Peaces of ME

Thoughts on Value and Acceptance.

I think one of the biggest issues I’ve had in life, is my rather overwhelming need to feel like I’m truly being valued and heard; but never really feeling it fully at all, from anyone or anywhere.

This includes by people in my real life, as well as on social media, and in social situations.

It used to make me sad……. that I wasn’t worth the effort or love; the time, concern, respect, or loyalty….”What’s wrong with me? Why does everyone treat me like I’m nothing?”  Blah, blah, blah.

I always ended up on the wrong end of things….I was a bitter person because of it. I blamed everybody else for every situation I was in.

My thoughts in the past with value and acceptance, where based off of a dysfunctional childhood that I couldn’t let go of; a life of discontent, addictive behaviors, and mental health issues. I still have some of those issues.

I used to get all bitchy and dramatic about it…and sometimes, I still do. Although all my core Bullshit remains;  I’d like to think, that those moments have reduced severely since last year. 

Truthfully, there’s only a few people I even care about enough anymore, to let close enough to get past my wall. Truthfully, no one owes me one damn thing in this life. Truthfully, I’m just trying to finish this blog post that I started over a year ago.

My thoughts on value and acceptance now, are based off principle and common sense.

My value isn’t worth anything, if I have to talk you into believing that I’m valuable; even when I’m proving it with my actions already….and vice versa.

I’m not going to spend time talking you into anything.

There it is; there’s my current way of thinking.

I’ve learned to live in real life; and with the apologies and validations, that I will never get. I’m not going to spend time on something that makes me feel empty; it doesn’t matter what or who it is.

Neither should you.

I’ve personally found that it’s best to invest quality time on yourself; so that no matter what, you’re good in your own worth; on your own; because that’s all that matters.

Many people see value in many things; but most don’t even realize the value of something;  miss out on it all together; or don’t even care to find it.

Life goes on. 

To value myself is the greatest gift I ever gave myself….NO returns. 

Some days I have to dig deeper than others; but I do know at the end of the day; I’m good. 

There’s quite a power in that on a whole because it makes you better able to genuinely practice healthy living. 🙂 

Also; If you don’t value yourself;  no one else will. If it’s not even worth it to you; you can’t much expect it to be worth it to anyone else either.

Love yourself. 

J.Rounds ©2016 ~Peaces of ME