Live, Love, Laugh

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Today has been a wonderful day for me, because I decided it would be.

I’ve talked to a lot of people I care about and needed to catch up with, but haven’t. I’m currently two days in with the not smoking thing (patches on), and it’s going great and I’m proud of myself. I’m on track with school. I’m healthy and alive and sober.

I have a lot to be grateful for.

Lately, my head was really being consumed with things it ought not to be consumed with. It was stalling me, and holding me back. I finally decided that I should probably  start making an effort to put out as much as I *receive, and spending time on people who actually deserve it and love me; as it should be.

I’m happy to be moving on in my life finally. I am really focusing on making the changes still needed.

I am in full-speed ahead mode; and at this point, I can’t see myself stopping.

I’m hoping soon that I can prove to my ex-husband, that’s it’s safe to let me talk to my children again…because I really miss them and I have to work on those relations. My kids are all I have, and I don’t have them now. I need them. I need to at least have the communication open to try.

My ex-husband is a good father, a sensible man, and I know he knows this.

In time.

For now, I’m getting through this day with a smile on my face. It is genuine, and not forced. 🙂

I feel the changes happening in me every day, and I just know things will be happy and fulfilling in the end for me; if I just don’t stop moving forward. I’m actually really excited. I needed this latest series of events to happen, to get my ass back in actual reality again.

Today was an excellent day.

This is my story, and I’m writing it daily as I go along.

Love yourself.
J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

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Back in Black

I feel a lot better than I did a few days ago.

Got all but 10 points knocked off for my assignment being late, so I’m still doing well. I’m glad.

Anyways, lesson learned.

I have a lot planned for my future. On Monday my next class starts, and I will test my wireless shutter release remote that I’ve gotten. Should lead to some different kinds of photos maybe finally.

I’m still on track.
All that matters.

Love yourself.

J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

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Ying Yang

Most times I think I’ll be just fine
Living in this life of mine, but there are still those moments I don’t know. Honest truth.

I go back and forth between happy and sad. It is within my soul.
I try to let go of things I once had, because the weight I carry is too heavy otherwise.

The days feel long, but short.
The good days are what I live for now.
The bad days…well…
It is those days that I put up a shield. I’m learning to let people in at those times.

Those are the moments I feel like I can’t win, And need help remembering why it is I’m here in the first place.

I’ve made friends with my demons and slowly they are realizing that they have no power over me anymore; even though they try hard sometimes to take me back to the time when I felt worthless inside.

It isn’t true and never was.

I noticed that noone really notices much, *or cares when your life is going well, but they are the first ones there when it’s not, just to watch the floundering.

It’s the people that love me for me that I turn to for inspiration and guidance and trust and respect. It’s not really worth my time to worry about the others.

It is up to you to decide where you want to be in life. You cannot get anywhere at all if you just give up.

Don’t.

And I won’t either.

Love yourself.

J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

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Another Good Day for the Jenster.

School is caught up! Doing the software switch over today for this new computer.

Have to come up with a better filing system this time. I have over 86,000 pictures on this one, and with the high resolutions from my class, I’m really surprised this one is still even running. It’s so trashed and unorganized.

So software and Mass Effect today.

It feels good to actually be making progress. Even if it’s slower than everyone elses. I do what I want. Hahaha!

I’m having another good day. And I feel free.

Also, I’m SO glad I don’t have school today!!

Will write more later.

Enjoy your day and Love Yourself.

J.Rounds (c)2026 ~Peaces of me

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Labor Day 2016

So I’m doing pretty well.

After today I’ll be caught up on school again, and the weather is still nice, so my depression has kind of taken a back seat for the moment; which is great.

I feel I need to change my schedule around a little bit still; because even though I wake up at 7am every morning, I still feel like I could be challenging myself more in the “healthy living” catagory, and it’s still really hard for me to focus.  I think excersize and eating better might help this naturally. I’m hoping anyways. I’m going to make a conscious effort to eat better and drink more water.

Having *glitch problems on mytrendingstories.com, and I’m waiting for the problem to be fixed, so I can get up and running full speed. Hopefully it will be sorted by tomorrow.

For the moment I am just trying to maintain the responsibilities I do have.

My bills are paid, and I am healthy.

Those are two big things I can be grateful for today.

By the way, my Bettie hair is back! ❤

Love yourself.

J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

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The Here and the Now in my World

I enjoy anticipation but I’m impatient.

I’m a German Jew and I don’t practice any “technical” faith because I think organized religion for the most part is Bullshit, although I have the utmost respect for other people’s views on religion in general….just don’t try to Jesus me.

I’m flawed miserably and sometimes even hypocritical. Sometimes I’m a mess inside, even when I have a full face of make up on, and I seem to be in the best mood.

I’m not too sure sometimes if I’m worth knowing (even though I know those are only my demons fighting with themselves)

So what; I’m human.

Point is…I’m done with the downsizing of myself. Done with it. I’m thinking about these things tonight, because I again have met another goal, and I think it’s time to realize that the only one holding myself back is me.

Today; I was recognized for my writing and asked to join a team of bloggers on a website that is just starting but thriving ridiculously. I’m a contributing Blogger now. Here

I don’t know really how things happen; but I DO know when you don’t hold back, you succeed.

This is my foot in the door. I was ask to blog on this site. This is something that came to me based on my writing. I did it.
Another goal 🙂 It’s possible to get hooked up with sources I’d need to advance in this field now, and a good opportunity to help others with my words.

I’m proud of myself, and happy.

I’m so happy. 🙂

Love yourself.

J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me
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Changes for the Better are Never Bad

There was a point and time in my life that I thought I was doomed forever.

The affections of fickle lovers and the constant yearning for something in my life that made me feel alive, was pretty much all I had.

I was suspended in a place in my mind, that I could not allow anyone else to go or get close to, for fear of suffocating under the weight of my own expectations that could never be reached.

It was a bleak madness that had taken over, and sent me someplace into the dark to which I could not escape. I could feel life leaving me every day.

It was at yet again in a bottom to a bottom moment, that I made a choice.

Somehow I decided that being alive, and being happy and living life are two totally different things.

I began to look at myself from a different perspective. I decided that the only way I was going to change would to be to drop the song and dance and look at my past patterns, and change them.

No more excuses.

I started setting boundaries for myself about how I would treat others, and how I would allow others to treat me. Trying to do positive things for myself, instead of setting myself up for a fall, knowing full-well I was going to fall in the first place. Making immediate goals and lists of things I needed to do, focusing on the immediate, and getting myself into therapy. Taking a stand. Fighting for my own life. Actively trying. Putting myself first.

Call it anything you want but I saved my own life, so I could finally start living it.

I made the decision to do it, No one else. Even though my life is far from perfect, it was the best decision I could have ever made.

Opting out is no longer an option in my world. I’m glad about that.

Life is journey. The paths you cut for yourself are were and when you choose to cut them. You decide.

It is work to keep myself in a positive space sometimes; but it’s SO much easier now that I released myself from my own prison.

I know wherever life takes me, I can get through it, and that I’m strong enough to.

That’s pretty much all I need to know to wake up tomorrow at peace.

Love yourself.
J.Rounds (c) 2016 ~Peaces of Me

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Gold dust

{Sights and sounds pull me back down another year
  I Was here
  I was here}

{And we make it up as we go along
  We make it up as we go along}

{The sun on your face
  I’m freezing that frame}

{How did it go so fast
  You say as we are looking back
  And then we’ll understand
  We held gold dust in our hands}

              DISAPPEAR HERE

Day

Today was one of those “blah” days that started off and remained completely boring, but fairly productive.

Would have been nice to have had dinner with you, or heard your voice. Seems really stupid to want that too.

For the life of me every day seems to feel a little bit different, and sometimes I think there really is no purpose to any of it at all.

Just how I’m feeling today I guess.

Trying to be grateful for what I have tonight.

J. Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

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