The Shell

Written on my birthday July 25th, 2014.

~THE SHELL~

The reflection in the mirror does not lie.

It has no forgiveness, nor does it care.

This is what you’ve become; and it is your doing alone.

You are weak and frail and it shows.

You avoid your own gaze because you are disgusted with yourself.

You have lowered yourself to wretched levels; and allowed yourself to be compromised repeatedly; simply because, you have given up on yourself; and you are numb inside.

You must find the strength to fight your way back somehow.

Listen to your inner voice.  He is there on your shoulder; listen to him, and do.

BELIEVE you can be well.

If you don’t you will end up dead, and scar your children for life; and it will be your doing alone, as well.

You are disgusting and need help!

Stop doing this to yourself; or all will be lost!

He would not want this for you!  It is not your time yet!

Think of your children and do what you have to do!

This is crazy; You are going crazy!

Tomorrow you start to try; and you DO IT!

It’s the ONLY way!

You are so much better than this.

You are so much better than this.

I am so much better than this.

J. Rounds ©2014 ~Peaces of Me

~ A BEAUTIFUL LIE ~

Anorexia, speed, alcohol, lack of self worth and love. Broken. July 25th, 2014.
Anorexia, speed, alcohol, lack of self worth and love. Broken. July 25th, 2014.

The Spiral down

July 8th, 2014

My weight has plummeted in a very short period of time. I am 126lbs now and a size 6, at 5’9″. This is the smallest I have been in 15 years.

My hair is starting to fall out in clumps and my urine smells funny.

I am walking miles and miles each day and only consuming roughly 300 calories a day because I can’t eat. Protein shakes seem to be the only thing I can really keep down.

I am dehydrated and feel so weak. I need the feeling as it is the only thing I can control.

But I look horrible.

I am starting to scare myself with the things I am doing to myself to numb myself out. I am not being smart or proper at all.

I need to change.

I miss my kids.
I miss ******.
I miss myself.

Yesterday I contemplated jumping off of the bridge on the over pass over 131. It was late and dark and no one would have seen, or have been able to stop me.

Instead I took a video and posted it on Facebook.

I wonder if anyone would even miss me.

J Rounds © 2014~Peaces of me

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