I’m a bit flustered, as I go to the Dr. for my check up tomorrow.
I’ve needed to go for a while now.
I am scared; I won’t lie; but T will be there for support.
A little flustered with the paperwork for a new patient appointment though.
Writing down the things you know, that run in your family, is scary.
Not knowing your biological father and his history; [your history]; on his side, is more than scary. It’s scary sobering.
I don’t know anything about my father; except that he is going to die in jail, if he hasn’t already. He is a coward; and deserves to be where he is.
I don’t forgive him for anything.
I also am almost positive I have other siblings; a half-sister for sure; but I’m not expecting to ever meet her/ them(?)
I think of how long I told Dr.’s offices my step-father’s medical stuff instead, by default; just so no one would have to know that I didn’t know my real father; or had one, that didn’t want to know me.
I don’t know that part of my potential medical ailments; because I don’t know my father… or his family.
I am glad today that I do not know him; and I do not want to know him; as much as that sucks to say…it really doesn’t anymore for me.
He is not a man I want to know.
Tonight I marked N/A in my father’s spot for medical history.
Because it’s my truth.
I gave myself props for seeing it for what it was worth.
I also gave myself props for getting through this BS paperwork; which also, by the way; asked my sexual orientation and gender orientation as well. (both I declined to say; because it’s a baited question; used for profiling; that should be illegal, in my opinion.)
Anything else I need to find out about myself, will be way of a 23 and Me DNA kit, books, and Google search; if they tell me I have something wrong with me.
I guess I’m starting to realize that certain things are not important to pursue; and others are.
I hope tomorrow will go well for me. Generally, I tend to get more anxious than I should; so I’m trying to go with that one tonight….and not be.
That’s good enough for now.
J. Rounds ©2018 Peaces of ME