I Am Thankful; 2017.

Some days are better than others; some days are an effort to get through still…I won’t lie;  but I have plenty to be thankful for this season; and I am thankful; because I know where I’ve been. 

I am thankful that I am able to still be alive, and going where I am going in life. 

I’m thankful to be sober; and to finally feel free of that alcoholic burden…although I know it is, and will continue to be; a daily choice that I will have to make. 8 months sober today…..and counting.

I am thankful for my children, and that we are forming working, healthy relationships again. I am thankful for their father and his wife for doing for them, what I could not do…I’m grateful that they are safe and happy.

I am thankful for my relationship with T, even though it is not always easy. 

I am thankful for my family and true friends; who have always believed in my strengths, and helped me to find them, when I could not. 

I am grateful that I can still see the light, in a world full of chaos…and in myself.

I’m grateful that I chose to stand up and live my life the way it was meant to be lived; instead of running myself into the ground like I’ve always done in the past. 

So many other little things too, that I am thankful for…

I remember every day that I am blessed to have this life. 

For so long I took it for granted; and I’m glad that I continue to change for the better now…because it’s the way it should be. 

I hope wherever you are, that your Thanksgiving day was filled with peace and thanks…and that your holiday season will be too.

It’s amazing how remembering what we DO have in our lives; makes the value of it so much more, on a whole. The things we don’t have; seem somewhat trivial and unimportant…when you consider your life TODAY. 

Love yourself.

J.Rounds ©2017 Peaces of ME

Get a job Jen…

I woke up today and wasn’t really feeling it, but now I’m doing fairly alright.

4 months, 16 days sober.

It’s sometimes hard to forgive myself, when I’ve made such a mess of my life.  I realize that just because I’m doing the right thing now; doesn’t mean there’s not still repercussions of the past to have to deal with.

It’s not so enjoyable.

I’m fairly certain that it’ll be ok. It’s just that not all the puzzle pieces are there yet, and it’s literally like some kind of video game that I’m trying to manuver my way through legitly; without losing my life or sanity.

It sounds dramatic… but that’s how it feels.

Today I will go to the animal hotel next door, and see if they might be hiring. I’m good with animals, and I figure my situation is nothing that more money couldn’t help. I’ll also go to the Alzheimers senior care building…surely they need help with something. I can clean, cook well too. I don’t know.

How bad do I want to work for a life that is what I want it to be?

At this point, I’m done sitting back, and trying to do it my way exclusively.

I need a job, and that’s just what has to happen next.

Anybody wanna’ hire a weirdo with a good heart and an OCD brain? 😉

Love yourself.

J.Rounds ©2017 ~Peaces of ME

I Believe in ME.

I find myself every day. The smallest pieces click together more than not, and make me stronger.

I am blessed for the things I do have… and I am grateful everyday for the people in my life, whom I love. 

I no longer believe that I cannot achieve my goals; it is simply all about what I will do to achieve them. 

It is easier to have faith in myself when I know I am doing whatever I can to move forward, and not wasting time on things that don’t matter.

It doesn’t always go as planned (it never does), but eventually I always get there. 

My mother has often told me that I have a way about me, in which I do almost everything the opposite of what most people will do; but I always get it done; it’s usually better than most would do it. 

I agree with this fact fully because I know it is true. I think it’s just about the level of effort I choose to put in.

No effort equals nothing but existence and sadness, and I’m not satisfied with that kind of life anymore, because that’s not who I am anymore, or how I want my life to be.

I have never really fought for much of anything but my disease, and nurturing it.

I don’t want to be remembered, as the girl who drank her life away. I don’t want to end up dead from alcoholism like my Uncle Mike.

I know I have more to offer the world than that. 

I am glad that I can say now, that I am NOT my disease, and every day of my life, from now on, I plan to prove it to MYSELF. 

I am four months and two days sober today.

I’m still alive, and there is a reason for it. 

I do know whatever happens, I have to remember I’m worth the good things, and the bad things don’t dictate my life anymore. I won’t and can’t let them.

My struggles in life, make it that much more satisfying to say that I am still here, and moving forward.

I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone but me, but it’s something I think is a miracle, and I don’t want to waste the time I have left. 

I’m not giving up on a life of peace, and I’ll continue to fight for it daily.

Just thoughts on my mind today. 

Kind of a hard week coming up for T and I, but it’ll be SO worth it for the both of us, in the end. Good vibes are appreciated. 

I hope you all have a great weekend. 🙂

Love yourself. 

J.Rounds (c)2017 ~Peaces of ME

I Got Some Really Bad News today…

I just have so much pain in my heart right now, for so many things.

It aches and feels like it’s never going to be ok.

I think of all the things I could have done differently and the bad choices I’ve made in my past.

I’m suffering the repercussions of some of those bad choices now. But this time, it couldn’t get any worse. My kids are gone now for good. I hate myself right now more than anything.

My heart is torn in a million pieces, and I’m all alone. I don’t care what anyone says; Hell is right here on Earth and I live in it every single day.

The last time I have been this devestated was when my son passed. It’s the same exact feeling.

Now, I have literally nothing to live for, and I don’t know what to do.

I do know I’m not giving up. Because giving up never got me anywhere.

I’m also not going to drink even though I really want to right now. Because I know that’d kill me even more.

Please say a good thought for Jenni (me) if you would please, I’d really appreciate it.

I don’t know how I’m going to get through this, but there’s no other option. Day by day I guess.

I will remember to Love myself this time. As always, I hope you will too.

J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me.

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