Update for Tuesday

I’m feeling pretty decent. 

Nothing much going on except Summer time, and focusing on my immediate future and goals. It’s a process. I have most of my flowers in, and there’s a peaceful vibe going on, on my back porch. We had a good last weekend, and decided to put in a fire pit too. Might have a get together soon, and try to get some sort of an alcohol-free, social circle of friends going….on a regular basis. We do have sober friends that are amazing. Besides It’s Summer, and I hear normal “ish” people socialize regularly. (Lol)


One week off of all social accounts now; although my messenger is on; and only ONE person messaged to see where I was…

Enough said. It’s why I didn’t say anything, and just deactivated.

I won’t be going back to Facebook or Instagram, for some time. My mood is much better on a whole, and I don’t miss it at all. It’s looking like it’s mutual, and I’m fine with that. I have NO idea what role social media will play in my future, but right now the break is awesome.  The reality that no one really cares I’m gone is sobering; and makes me happy that I don’t depend on the internet and useless likes anymore, to get me through the day, like I used to. 

I guess that was bound to happen at some point; seeing social media for what it is. A natural progression I think, and I’m happy about that; because for a long, long time I was on the internet all day long; no matter where I was, or what I was doing.

That’s over now.


Unfortunately, I had to tell someone to fuck off again, because they were being petty and stupid…AGAIN. That “friend” of T’s. Hardest part about not drinking, is dealing with the whiney bitches who don’t want to see you get better; and insult you directly, just to instigate and cause problems. I try to deal with it nicely, and then I figured out, that that’s just not possible. It’s sad. It’s sad that people have to be like that. I don’t regret one single thing I said to her though…because it was all the truth. I can only hope that this time, what I said was taken at face value and heard; although it’s doubtful.  Either way I said what I had to say; it is done with;  and T and I are still sober and happy. (72 days)

People, places and things. You have to change them, if you want to remain and stay sober. I don’t hard-core the AA program at all; but I do agree FULLY with that core principle.

If people can’t respect the fact that T and I aren’t dealing with BS drama anymore or drinking; then that’s just their issue, not ours. 

We live each day with the knowledge that where we are going, is much better than where we have been. We also know that positive growth is not possible, if we allow ourselves to become complacent in our recoveries, or subject ourselves to alcohol-related things we shouldn’t be around. 

I am lucky to have T by my side. Although sometimes our relationship can be difficult; I just couldn’t see my life in any other place, with anybody else. It’s a great feeling to be with someone who accepts you for you, and we play off each other nicely…also basically keep each other sane sometimes…when we aren’t driving each other crazy. (Lol)

It’s a process 😉😅.

All the positive support we have received regarding our sobriety has been amazing, and we both thank you. In the beginning it was hard to see the path; but the support helped us to know that we were doing the right thing. I don’t know, sometimes reality can be scary, and so thank you for all the kindness. 

Here’s the blah, blah, blah update for this Tuesday. As I said nothing much is new, but I’m still alive, so I thought I’d let you all know. 🙂

Enjoy the rest of your week and be happy. I’m wishing you all the best. Xo

Love yourself.

J.Rounds ©2017 ~Peaces of ME


I cannot partake in spirits at all anymore. Not only does it make me sick and stupid; but I also don’t want to go down “slosh head road” again. That won’t be good, and It won’t do anything for me but damage me.

Once again I start over. Once again I have to forgive myself for slipping up like only a true alcoholic would do.

I’m not mad at myself, I’m dissapointed. But I know I have the control, and have to exert it. I’m smarter than this.

Now I have a fever and a sour stomach.  I forgot to submit my assignment; and so I must and hope I can still get partial credit.


I ask myself was it worth it?

The answer is definitely NO. It’s almost like I sabotage myself whenever I start to do well. I don’t know why I do that.

I can’t do this again. Thanks for listening.

Love yourself. Even when it’s hard to.

J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me


There is Light if You Look for it.

I will let it go, because I can’t hold on to it anymore.

I’ve learned great lessons about not giving up, and truly looking at myself and trying to change for the better these last years.

Many times I felt my world would end, and that too many things were happening around me that I could not control; because it was true.

I was scared some in the beginning when I had to survive on my own; but then I learned that in the end, I am the only one that can take care of myself.

I knew when I was at my very lowests points….that I would be ok because I was struggling badly for a long time, but there was always something that made me try again. I started building slowly.

That’s what happens when you were married for 13 years and your son passes and you try to hold it together, but fail everyone around you miserably, and leave.

About a year. About one year with medication I was able to keep it together. I was there, but I wasn’t at all.

No one talked to me about my sons’ death. I internalized it because I literally felt a panic constantly and a deep void in me when he left. A fog. Add addictive personality on top of it, and I didn’t know anything anymore. Nothing.

The people around me that care about me know that I am damaged for many reasons, but they listen and appreciate me.

I really appreciate it because I know I matter anyways now. I didn’t know it much a few years back.

I can’t go back and change it, and sometimes I wish I could. But I have to think no matter what I am stronger and wiser; because it’s true.

I think Heaven and Hell are here on this Earth. You find both depending on where you look and what you seek. Don’t give up.

Love yourself.

J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me


June 27, 2016

Even though you are scared shitless and don’t think anything is going to be O.K. at all right now; IT’S GOING TO BE O.K.; O.K.?!  Just believe it and make it so. You are a strong person and you can do anything you set your mind to.

You can do it. You have been through, and survived, worse things than this.

Love yourself.

J.Rounds 2016~Peaces of me

He was #1


I got married the first time because I didn’t know any differently. I was 20. I was a wild child, a free spirit, and a misguided, misunderstood soul.

I just thought that you were supposed to marry the person who asked you; and so I did. I thought like that because I didn’t think right about anything back then. I had no clue about marriage; only my parents’ marriage, which ended in divorce when I was 14. I didn’t think anyone would want to marry me; let alone ask me to. How ridiculous is that.

It didn’t even matter that he was 16 years my senior at all; and that I had met him at the adult book store I worked at. I thought we were in love.

Classy I know. I’m sure my mother was thrilled with me on many levels.

I was only married for 10 months, had a late term abortion, and it took me six years to get out of the relationship fully afterwards because I worked for him and I was addicted to coke.

Funny the things you remember again, when you can no longer push them down.

That shit’s over with THANK the gods.


J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

2016-01-27 23.22.33


I Will Eat You Alive

Just start at the beginning.

The beginning of what?

The beginning of today.

What happens when I get to the end?

Start over.

All you have is today,  you know.

Or not.

J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me



It’s not so hard to stay sober.

What’s hard is swallowing the fact of what I’ve done, and what I’ve lost.

I literally gave up everything for nothing; and then spent years free-falling into my addiction, because I was unable to cope with lifes’ circumstances and the fall-out of my own wrong decisions.

When you come back down, and you start to see how life has moved on without you, and you are in the same place as you have been for years.

THAT’S the hard part.

And there’s no one to blame but myself.

J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

“I know that we are young, and that you may love me; but I just can’t be with you like this anymore… Alejandro”

I’ve been focusing on actual reality, and the actual reality is that I’m hoping for something that will never happen with you.

We live in separate worlds.

I am here. You are there. That won’t change.

I’ve tried all I can do to change this fact; live with you; live without you; make it work with you.

Can’t change it. Can’t make it work.

Can’t focus on it anymore.

Don’t want to.

My psychiatrist says I am doing well, and he would like to see me stay that way.

I agreed.

J.Rounds (c)2015 ~Peaces of Me