TAKE

Takers take.

And they take and take and take and take and take.

It can’t ever be enough; and you can’t ever give enough; and you can’t ever BE enough.

You can try, but you will always fail because there will always be something more that they want you to give them.

You will be made to feel like there is something wrong with you for also wanting something for yourself.

They will tell you anything you want to hear until they get what they want.  Also sometimes, many things you do not want to hear, to get you to give them what they want.

If you do not accept the behavior you will be made to feel as if you are abusing them or not being loving enough.

When they can get no more, they will walk away and find someone else to take from; leaving you feeling alone, depleted, and hating them.

The taker doesn’t care they just take.

Do NOT be fooled.

Don’t be a taken by a taker.

Don’t be a taker.

GIVE.

J. Rounds ©2015 ~Peaces of Me

take

Untitled.

wpid-fb_img_1443854173948.jpgI never thought that you’d do this to me; and we would be here, after everything we’ve been through.

I never thought you would go to such extremes to hurt me emotionally and cause such damage.

It’s beyond sad. I’m starting to realize just how involved and complex the lie really is and it literally, truly, terrifies me.

I can only allow myself to think about it for so long because I don’t want to believe that this was all a lie, and I spent so much time living in it.

No matter how much I’d like to think that things will work out one day, I know they won’t. You’d have to come completely, totally clean to me; and that will never happen. I know this. You’d have to repair all the damage you’ve done to me personally; and those around me as well; and you never could.

It’s not real.  None of the things you told me or tell me about a future are real.

I don’t think you were prepared for a girl like me. I’m a fighter and I never give up. Like you; it is in my nature. I don’t think you were counting on that at all. I will bend; but you’d have to kill me to get me to ever break.

Tonight you threatened to do just that; again.

Words can’t describe what that does to me when you say things like this to me. It is a devastating pain that engulfs my heart and saddens it to a level I can’t even explain with words. You said you loved me. Over and over again you said you loved me. You said we were a team.

You do not love me; at all. I am an object to you to discard at a moments whim and nothing more.

It is a sad, cold truth that I must bare.

You hurt my soul. You hurt my soul so much because I know you try so hard to be well, like I do.

But I have lost every single ounce of respect I ever had for you.That is something that you alone did to me that you can never reverse.

It will be thee hardest thing for me to let you go; Again; but I know I must to have anything that resembles a normal, healthy life. I can’t keep letting you back in to wreak havoc anymore. It does nothing but drag me down, and cause me to lose track of the goals I have for myself, and want to reach.

It’s all a game. You play a game and you play it to win. It is actually abuse.

Wrap your head around this because this is the last time I’ll say it; I don’t have to play your game anymore and I won’t.

Even if it kills me.

J. Rounds ©2015 ~Peaces of Me

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The Spiral down

July 8th, 2014

My weight has plummeted in a very short period of time. I am 126lbs now and a size 6, at 5’9″. This is the smallest I have been in 15 years.

My hair is starting to fall out in clumps and my urine smells funny.

I am walking miles and miles each day and only consuming roughly 300 calories a day because I can’t eat. Protein shakes seem to be the only thing I can really keep down.

I am dehydrated and feel so weak. I need the feeling as it is the only thing I can control.

But I look horrible.

I am starting to scare myself with the things I am doing to myself to numb myself out. I am not being smart or proper at all.

I need to change.

I miss my kids.
I miss ******.
I miss myself.

Yesterday I contemplated jumping off of the bridge on the over pass over 131. It was late and dark and no one would have seen, or have been able to stop me.

Instead I took a video and posted it on Facebook.

I wonder if anyone would even miss me.

J Rounds © 2014~Peaces of me

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