I never thought that you’d do this to me; and we would be here, after everything we’ve been through.
I never thought you would go to such extremes to hurt me emotionally and cause such damage.
It’s beyond sad. I’m starting to realize just how involved and complex the lie really is and it literally, truly, terrifies me.
I can only allow myself to think about it for so long because I don’t want to believe that this was all a lie, and I spent so much time living in it.
No matter how much I’d like to think that things will work out one day, I know they won’t. You’d have to come completely, totally clean to me; and that will never happen. I know this. You’d have to repair all the damage you’ve done to me personally; and those around me as well; and you never could.
It’s not real. None of the things you told me or tell me about a future are real.
I don’t think you were prepared for a girl like me. I’m a fighter and I never give up. Like you; it is in my nature. I don’t think you were counting on that at all. I will bend; but you’d have to kill me to get me to ever break.
Tonight you threatened to do just that; again.
Words can’t describe what that does to me when you say things like this to me. It is a devastating pain that engulfs my heart and saddens it to a level I can’t even explain with words. You said you loved me. Over and over again you said you loved me. You said we were a team.
You do not love me; at all. I am an object to you to discard at a moments whim and nothing more.
It is a sad, cold truth that I must bare.
You hurt my soul. You hurt my soul so much because I know you try so hard to be well, like I do.
But I have lost every single ounce of respect I ever had for you.That is something that you alone did to me that you can never reverse.
It will be thee hardest thing for me to let you go; Again; but I know I must to have anything that resembles a normal, healthy life. I can’t keep letting you back in to wreak havoc anymore. It does nothing but drag me down, and cause me to lose track of the goals I have for myself, and want to reach.
It’s all a game. You play a game and you play it to win. It is actually abuse.
Wrap your head around this because this is the last time I’ll say it; I don’t have to play your game anymore and I won’t.
Even if it kills me.
J. Rounds ©2015 ~Peaces of Me