I try to block it out because it hurts.
I don’t understand how I’ve got myself believing in a total lie.
The kind of lie you end up living in your head that keeps you falling in over and over again.
Down into a hole of abyss and you’re covered in thick, bloody tar and clawing and holding onto nothing and everything to try to get out. But you can’t get out, so you let go and die and wake up again in some hospital room hooked up to respirator with all your friends around….AGAIN.
It’s just another day to believe you, and lie again to myself about all the things you say to me.
I believed you.
Doesn’t that just make me the stupid, weak one for loving you.
Yes it does.
I’m running out of belief.
I try to block it out, because it hurts.
When I read through my old writings I can see how confused and hurt I was, and it makes me mad at myself that I wasted my time on such negative things. But after that initial madness…I feel a peace in the fact that I’m out of that time of my life now. Today is today, and I can live it the way I choose to. I really always could I just didn’t exactly realize it.
I hope you will always invest in things and people that make you feel good about life and who you are as a person. It’s really the only way to find who you were meant to be.
J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me