Bipolar

Sometimes I just don’t know anything. 

Up and Down 

Up and Down

I try to be still and let it process through until I get it; but I just don’t know anything sometimes.

Too fast

Too slow

I wonder if I’m really in a dream; because just about the time I think I might start to make sense of things…

It changes again.

J.Rounds ©2016 ~Peaces of ME

You and Me

A quiet distance that we are not afraid of and fight to understand 

Same space

Comfort in knowing you are there living this life with me

Somehow you are healing me 

There’s no denying it

Every day is the best day 

When I see your blues 

We will ride the storms together

Make our own rainbows

And chase the moon

J.Rounds ©2017 ~Peaces of ME

Wind.

The days drift by like a dream, and like a dream, I dream of you.

I wonder if you dream of me too.

I see and hear things that remind me of you. I know those are just memories I haven’t shaken yet, but still some…most make me smile.

Scattered.

All those memories are scattered in the wind now, and somewhere I’m not; a part of my life I will never be again.

Still I think of you at times.

I can still smell the carnations in your hair.

I feel you in the wind and in my heart.

J.Rounds ©2017 ~Peaces of ME

Kind of Like That

She was neurotic. Sometimes the sound of her soul was too much.

She tried to be a good person, but was flawed automatically by default.

Do not fret she told herself. The way you are is the core of who you always were.

You forgot.

Remember.

J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

image

A Little Gem to Keep Me in Today….

*PSEUDO*

I try to block it out because it hurts.

I don’t understand how I’ve got myself believing in a total lie.

The kind of lie you end up living in your head that keeps you falling in over and over again.

Down into a hole of abyss and you’re covered in thick, bloody tar and clawing and holding onto nothing and everything to try to get out. But you can’t get out, so you let go and die and wake up again in some hospital room hooked up to respirator with all your friends around….AGAIN.

It’s just another day to believe you, and lie again to myself about all the things you say to me.

I believed you.

Doesn’t that just make me the stupid, weak one for loving you.

Yes it does.

I’m running out of belief.

I try to block it out, because it hurts.

J.Rounds (c)2014

image

When I read through my old writings I can see how confused and hurt I was, and it makes me mad at myself that I wasted my time on such negative things. But after that initial madness…I feel a peace in the fact that I’m out of that time of my life now. Today is today, and I can live it the way I choose to. I really always could I just didn’t exactly realize it.

Lessons.

I hope you will always invest in things and people that make you feel good about life and who you are as a person. It’s really the only way to find who you were meant to be.

Love yourself.
J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

Untitled

I am alive.

I am an ever flowing stream that has no end.

Within me I carry the darkness and the light of my heart and soul.

I breath hope and strength, and every step I take forward leads me to the new; and new opportunities to love myself and those around me.

I have never known this peace before; and it suits me.

I will forge ahead with the tenacity and heart of a million men.

Nothing can stop me from being the best that I can possibly be.

I feel alive for the first time in years.

I am moving forward, and not looking back ever again.

J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

image

The Point

At what point do you realize that something is hopeless to try for or want?

How long do you wait around for someone to decide “you’re worth it”?

What’s wrong with wanting happiness, and wanting it regardless?

Scraps and pieces of time.

Things I’m expected to live up to, that I never could.

No actual working plans for a future together.

I want to be happy. I want to be loved for me.

I want to feel like the only one; and know I am;

Or I don’t want it at all.

J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

image

Dark

It clouds my eyes as it comes over me.

Peels away at my overwhelming desire and need to be whole.

Finds all my weak spots and settles in.

Like an incessant cancer, it hides but is always there; waiting to suck more life out of me. Waiting to take me back down to the place where I  felt dead-alive.

J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

image

Untitled

I remember the smell of your hair those last days.

And the cream on your face and the way the man at the funeral home apologized, but said that it was needed to keep your skin soft, and we would have to see past that.

I never thought I’d have to say goodbye to you so soon. It seems so unbelievably unfair after all you’ve fought through.

What kind of God is there, and where is he at now? Nowhere around me, do I feel him at all. How am I supposed to bare this?

As if the fact that your hair still smells like carnations could ever make up for it at all.

J.Rounds (c)2008 ~Peaces of Me