Free writing; because then you don’t have to worry about grammar and puncuaction.

Today was productive, and I don’t really know what I’m supposed to be doing, but I do know I want to work and do something so I can have structure and a technical income source on record , so I can get a house some day.

Apparently making MORE than what you’d earn working, on unemployment, doesn’t count. I’d still be working my other job had there been anyone taking me seriously at my last job.

That’s what irritates me but I can’t go back there.

Anyways,

I applied for a cleaning job today and sent for info on three affordable rentals. Haven’t heard back from any of them.

Hasn’t even been a day though. Also, It’s the weekend.

I already know I’m a good renter. Also that I can afford it.

So. I did stuff I had to do today, plus I enjoyed the sun and took a stand against something that I needed to take a stand on. No other option.

I’ve had worse days for sure.

Being strong in myself this day.

There really is no other option I’m good with at this time in life.

Still not ideal situation for me, but confident, depending on myself and working towards good.

Some hate me for it.

Love yourself.

J.Rounds ©2020 ~Peaces of ME

Woke up today like what the?

I want to go to the beach, but don’t want to deal with the people.

I’m frustrated at the chosen ignorance happening all around me.

To the point that I don’t even want to social media, or social, in general.

I decided my time was better spent on feeling happy inside.

The sun is out, and it’s beautiful.

I’m focusing on the good things in life today and enjoying that sun.

Love yourself.

J.Rounds ©2020 ~Peaces of ME

How I move forward when I don’t want to.

I make myself.

Holding my balance by being mindful; especially on days that seem to be questionable at best; is a healthy step forward in my goals for personal growth.

Everything adds up and it’s easier to get motivated when I’m ticking things off on the daily, instead of allowing myself to dwell on the reasons why I can’t get it done.

Reading, writing, and focusing on one significant thing to get done each day, is a trick I use to make sure I always feel like I’m moving forward every day; no matter what kind of day it may be.

I don’t tend to focus on the negative parts and reasons when I’m focusing on the goal of the day, which sometimes can be as basic as making a phone call I needed to make, or following up on one I’ve made already.

It doesn’t have to be a huge thing. For me, often when I do one little thing, it will lead to doing bigger things right after.

If the goal doesn’t get done, I will know that I at least tried, because I look for the silver linings today as well.

It’s easier to do that now, after years and years of not doing it at all.

I’m doing ok and I’m happy about it.

I think for my particular life I could be doing a whole lot worse.

I found a job to apply for that I could basically do alone.

Which is good because I want the structure, but not the Covid-19.

I’ve gotten SO much shit from people that are supposed to be friends about my COVID facts and political opinion, that literally I just say what I think and then go off of social media.

I’m not about conforming to gain people that I can’t be respected by is basically what it boils down to.

I miss my kids, but other than that I’m alone and loving it.

America is a shit-show and I would say WAY more, but at the moment I am personally balancing ok, and healthy.

I can’t complain about that.

I’m learning every day about things that interest me for myself and I have an open mind for views on things I know nothing about.

It’s helping me be a better human.

That IS something.

J.Rounds ©2020 ~Peaces of ME

Challenging times call for Rambling Self-Reminders of What You Already Know.

I got to thinking again the other day as I was in the sun and quiet in my head. (Yes, it does happen.)

I already know the reason I’ve lived my life in a circle (of sorts). It is because I let the same things happen in my life and I don’t change anything about it.

I just expect it to change, by itself.

This has not been the case on some things in my life. I have worked very, very hard to pick myself back up, after a long hard road with trauma, grief, addictions, and self-sabotage. I’m proud of that. Still work on the daily.

BUT, It is the case for every other time that I was in a situation where I didn’t stand up for myself or my beliefs when something bad was happening and I was in the middle of it.

That is also self-sabotage. I am really creating trauma for myself.

To do nothing. To say nothing. To let it go; but secretly harbor it because I did, or said, nothing.

I know it is self-sabotage for me when I finally figure out that something keeps happening to me in different ways, and it keeps hurting me mentally or physically.

Most times, when I wasn’t expecting it or believed it would be different.

There is no change, without effort.

This I already know.

Here I am reminding myself again, to remind others too.

My life has been complicated for a bit now, and I’m really looking forward to making my life a more peaceful place, moving forward.

There are many things I’ve had to make hard choices on.

Hard choices teach the best lessons and I’m committed to breaking old cycles that keep me down and I don’t want to go through anymore.

I don’t want to make hard choices on the daily about my life anymore.

I’m landing if it kills me.

I know it’s the only way I can be healthy and teach my children to keep moving forward even if you don’t think you can; even if it is hard; you have to do the right thing.

I have to prove to myself that I can do the right thing, as well.

I can’t feel bad for trying every day to be a better human. Even if I’m flawed, even if I’m not perfect, I still try because I know for a fact that’s what living life is all about.

I’m not scared so much anymore about life like I used to be.

I’m not the old Jenni anymore and I’m grateful for it.

So much.

Love yourself.

J. Rounds ©2020 ~Peaces of ME

Untitled Sunday.

I sat outside in the sun most of the day.

I drew; erased. Drew; erased.

I won’t go on about things that aren’t right in my life right now, considering; but I do know tomorrow will be the same and I also know that my effort is going towards things that lift me up instead of trying to build something with things that just aren’t there.

Going to rake some now that it’s getting cooler again, and the bees went back to sleep for the night.

Had a decent day.

Love yourself. Xo.

J.Rounds ©2020 ~Peaces of ME

Out today in ‘Rona

Today was better than last in that I decided to become stronger in this crisis, rather than weaker from it.

**When you are out of deodorant and other essential toiletries, and you venture out into “‘Rona land.” (Susi lol!!). ***

I hit my place of employment, and felt happy to see my boss and friends; also that they are ok.

Social distancing is essential for sure.

Also paying mind to your own anxiety, and lipsyncing in your car in the parking lot, without caring who sees.

Btw, I do follow a sanitary process for going out and shopping. Message me if you are interested in it.

Song is : Don’t Go Breaking My Heart ~by Backstreet Boys

Hope you all are good. 💯❤❤❤ I’m doing, and grateful for it.

GRATEFUL FOR YOU. XO

#hangtough

#coronavirus2020

#danceparty

#musichealslikelaughter

#alonetogether

#gettingthroughitonthedaily

#youareloved

#staysafe

#staymindful

#staypositive

#stayconfident

#staystrong

#stayinunlessessential

J.Rounds ©2020 ~Peaces of ME

Monday update. More free writing.

It was definitely a long night last night, and a rough morning as well for me.

Mostly today I’ve been talking myself out my nonsense, regarding my guilt about my weaknesses, and the fact that my body is betraying me with waves of major menopause symptoms.

I have to be so totally honest when I say there couldn’t be a worse time for it.

I’ve had a pituitary tumor for 10 years now, but was only pre-menopausal.

The real menopause is definitely happening now, and there’s not one fun thing about it. I do wonder if my stress level is making it worse, but with the Covid-19 going on, there’s no way that going down for me until it’s over.

Anyways, I talked to my bestie and some other good friends who helped me feel better about it all. I also managed to get my unemployment filed, got an intriguing email about a potential writing project to help with, and the very highlight is that I had a quick chat with my eldest son.

Other than that I’m hot flashing left and right, but still healthy(ish) and sober and I didn’t lose the entire day to negative thoughts.

There’s a silver lining in everything if you look for it.

I hope you all are well and safe tonight. I appreciate every single person still going to work and getting us all through.

Have a good night.

J.Rounds ©2020 ~Peaces of ME