The System and mental health Stigma. My current situation.

This post I’m sure will get shit loads of people who love to judge me for anything, nosing around. I mean, since I’ve been off social media and all. There’s the set up/mood.

I don’t ask for help because, in myself; I see it as a sign of weakness in me. It’s because I haven’t always made the best choices; and the people I chose to trust to help me, generally always had strings, so it wasn’t help at all, and left me worse off than I was in the beginning.

Am I supposed to lie about that?

NO. I’ll admit the fact that I don’t trust people at all; for good reason; nor do I like to ask for help.

I’ll admit the fact that I have been reckless at times in life financially speaking as well.

This is not one of those times.

All the unemployment I’ve gotten has been to pay for my car and insurance, and fixing my car, paying for my studio hotel room and cell phone and credit cards. (which I can’t use because it will mess up my credit and it just got up to where I need it to be for buying a house.)

I’ve been adulting and busting my ass to find reasonable, affordable housing on my own.

I feel, if you’re a housing coordinator, you should probably be more empathetic to your clients that struggle with their mental health, just got out of a domestic violence situation, and are misplaced during-covid.

Especially when I have documented issues and I have rights. I have asked for help, and no one has actually helped me.

Even if you just took over that particular county, the way you talked to me made me feel like I was worthless, and didn’t matter at all.

“I’m sorry that happened to you”, isn’t enough when I’ll be living in my car because they don’t count unemployment as income when you apply for rentals, and I’m on ssi, and I’m low-income anyway. Front-line.

Ssi surely counts unemployment though; plus it’s taxed. So no Ssi coming in while on unemployment.

I’m paying bills and rent with unemployment.

I’m adulting.

I had to find two part-time jobs and interview for them, so I could get documented acceptable income on record again, and try to magician the two jobs together so I could actually have two jobs I could do mental-health wise, and be able to afford a Bs nothing of an apartment in the future.

I’m waiting to hear about the cleaning job. I’m starting a kennel job (8- hr working interview) at the local rescue shelter… two counties away, tomorrow morning. Part-time. I don’t even know if I have the job technically yet. I do know it messes up next weeks unemployment though. I might not get it now.

I’m sober. I’m TRYING. I’m pissed off. I KEEP trying.

So. The 2,000 miles I’ve driven all over West Michigan (just this last two weeks) and the countless calls and emails to people’s who job it is to help; amount to absolutely nothing, as of tonight.

It’s been countless red tape and hoops going around in the same circle, never leading anywhere.

They want you to pay the application fee everywhere….to wait for nothing that’s available, because there’s not enough affordable rentals without section 8 or a job that I can’t get.

And I’ve been asking for help for over a month and a half from state sources.

Only person that helped me was the lady at the Domestic Violence Coalition, and that’s because she listened. She gave me therapy resources I can and am actually using.

This time it’s not me being whatever in my life.

It’s Coronavirus. It’s lack of anyone giving a fuck in the system, like they are supposed to. It’s lack of affordable housing for people that don’t have high-paying jobs.

I definitely work like I make 25 bucks an hour which a hell of lot more than you can say about most people that make that much.

For real.

I’ve asked for help literally 20 times from some of the same people, and some of them act like you’re the biggest burden to the world that you could ever imagine, because you can’t figure out the forms to fill out, or what steps to take to get them filled out properly because they have 10 different types of aid, and you have to have people actually working with you to have it help when you’re in crisis.

This is why I’m the one with the mental disorder, and you’re the one working for the Government.

I’m not on section 8.

I’m on ssi for documented bipolar, ptsd, and anxiety. I work when I can and even when I can’t.


This is just me venting because I’m frustrated. I don’t care what anyone thinks about it at all, because five years ago I would have tried to off myself over it.

Today I just write it out and deal.

My bills are all paid. My credit is going up. I’m living in a hotel, but I’m safe,I have my animal kids. I have a job I’m pretty sure I’ll get after a working 8 hour interview, and I’ve got two weeks to figure out the rest.

2 thoughts on “The System and mental health Stigma. My current situation.

  1. Well you’ve also got some of my good karma points I’m sending your way. I’m certainly not gaining anything from them right now. Lol. Much love dear. Keep your head up. You got this. 🙃

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My goodness!
    I’m stressed just reading this! You’re amazing to do all that and remain sober. I couldn’t do it. I know I couldn’t. Dang!


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