I’ve realized a lot of stuff about myself today.
Some things clicked that really needed to. That they do for me sometimes; and then I know what to do next.
My hands hurt; but my heart not so much anymore.
I’ve been grieving for a really long time, about a lot of things in my life.
And life is just too short to put people that don’t appreciate me; around me.
I’m not the kind of girl, who will just bend over and take it anymore.
Most are intimidated by the fight in me. Especially when they treat me poorly. That is why I try to be honest about who I am, straight away.
I’m educated. I’m smart. I do suck at Math. I know more about life than a great percentage; and most of the stuff I know of life; has bashed me over the head with nowhere to go but through. I’ve been through it.
When you have depleted every try you have in you over something. When you cannot see any positivity left in something. You must go THROUGH IT.
That includes removing yourself completely from the situation.
That is what I have done. Again.
Currently sitting in my own apartment; tired, and blogging this.
I have an MRI appointment in the morning, and a bed set being delivered before I go to work, in the late afternoon.
A money issue again. Who doesn’t have them; I know.
I’m also not surprised by the reason.
It’s hard to slow down. I was just staring at the moon and wondering why life is the way it is, earlier.
I had to make myself eat; but I am healthy; other than my stress level.
I’m strong. I have a good heart, and a ruthless streak for people that try to bring other people misery on purpose. Especially ME.
I can’t apologize for that.
When someone shows you proof that they have a diagnosed mental condition like PTSD. You should listen, and not think it’s a joke.
I’m done suffering uneedingly; with anything or anyone.
Why stay in that?
And if that means that I will have to struggle more than some in whatever way…well what’s new.
I’m over it.
I’m sober. I have remained that way; because I know it will kill me if I don’t.
The same goes for some people and my PTSD.
People that are spiteful for sport, will always lose with me. People that don’t try to become better people, will always stay miserable; and that’s not something I want for my life; or want to be around; or triggered by any further.
I’m not miserable when im around people who don’t go out of their way to trigger me, and play mind games.
People that do; will just have to listen to what I have to say, until they get the fact that I’m not having it.
OR; I cut them out of my life completely because they completely suck the life out of me, every time I see them.
Who needs it. I don’t.
I’m sober and alive and Jenni.
That’s good enough for ME. For real.
Next chapter please.
J.Rounds ©2018 ~Peaces of ME