I am honest in the fact that I am flawed; because I believe the only way to change those flaws; is to admit that they are there in the first place.
The competition is with myself; and noone else. I am not responsible for things that are not in my control; only MY self, MY actions and reactions, MY immediate surroundings, and who I let into MY life.
This is the first time in my life that I have actively been sober for more than three months; since 2008. It has been one year, one month, and eighteen days, today; that I made the solid choice and action of stopping the drinking and the denial that was killing my life…FOR GOOD. This is the first time in my life that I have actively been myself for an extended period of time; and not felt like I needed to make it comfortable for everyone else.
I DO NOT REGRET IT IN ANY WAY.
I keep reminding myself that this is reality; and I need to keep actively living in it. DAILY.
I keep reminding myself that I have to put the work in to make my life healthier, and to be a better person; every, single day. EVERY DAY.
Even if it means that I will be afraid. Even if it means I will have to feel emotional pain and uncomfortable feelings to let go. Even if it means I will be tired and overwhelmed sometimes from trying. Even if I have to admit that I STILL have ways of thinking about certain things; that need to be understood, and changed…so I can be at peace inside. Even if it means being physically alone. I know I am stronger than my fears. I know I am stronger than the hurt. I KNOW I can do this life of mine constructively.
I know what I need to do, to get what I need for my emotional health. I’m DOING.
My life is changing today, and I am afraid.
I know I will be ok. I am not afraid to say out loud that I am still flawed….and I might always be.
Being healthy is more important than anything else….
I need to heal from some stuff, for sure.
Today I will focus on that healing.
I’m getting used to being alone in my own space again for the first time in over a year-and-a-half.
It feels scary, but I’m ready.
I don’t feel bad about it anymore…the fact that I will be alone again. I feel like I’m being a logical adult; and actively making my life more stable; because it’s the right thing to do for my life; and also for thee entire situation.
I am still afraid a bit though. I don’t think it’d be change if I wasn’t in some regard.
Grace through adversity; is all I can do for now about it.
That is what I am doing at this point, until I figure out my next move.
My story doesn’t end here…I think it’s just getting started really.
Life is about living it; and embracing the moments and lessons that come to you; without regret…no matter how they come.
I will live today without regret; and have faith in the choices I have made for my life and future…because I believe in MYself.
J.Rounds ©2018 ~Peaces of ME