I know that life has no rules.
It is the reason that people struggle with it…why I have struggled with it.
I don’t feel weak; but I do feel disgusted in too many things, to even talk about it with anyone.
I think that sometimes the reason why something hurts so bad; is because you know things will be different; and it is scary to think about change.
Also because you hate to lose valuable people, things, talk of common life goals, marriage…someone that will always be there when you need a friend.
I’m not wrong for not accepting intentional *deception…or not wanting it in my life.
What do I really lose; when there wasn’t anything solid to begin with? I thought it was solid or could become that way…but it wasn’t by a long shot.
Settling is not something I will do, to be with someone anymore. Hurting for their pleasure; or because of their denial, isn’t either.
I don’t have to be with someone to be whole…to pass time….to do my shit for me….with me.
I wanted it.
Those are two; totally different; things.
The next chapter of my life started yesterday.
I am perfectly single and not looking to mingle. I’m in a relationship with myself.
I’m good. I know this last one is over for good now.
Looking for an affordable apartment and car.
Hopefully things will start to make better sense; now that I’m free from daily disrespect; and the continual I love you’s that really only equate to nothing more than broken words and ZERO action to do anything but make me feel like I deserve to be treated, like I don’t matter.
I DO MATTER.
I could say so much more; but it’s not even worth it. It wont get me anywhere but wasting MORE time, on something that is not even real. Getting this crap out of me and moving on, is enough.
Moving on because I want to be truly healthy and happy……and not live in a relationship that is toxic and triggering…and full of deceit.
I’m glad I know my worth today.
I’m glad I’m sober and nuturing my broken, by staying that way.
Loving myself, because I know that I deserve it.
I also know it will get better, and that there are plenty of other fish in the sea.
J.Rounds ©2018 ~Peaces of ME