I can choose to be the way I am; or become the person I was always meant to be…the BEST version of myself.
I am becoming this slowly but surely.
I can feel it a little more every day.
So many times in my life, I have chosen to meander through situations and surroundings that I’ve “FELT” I could do nothing about.
I have set myself up for failure, before I’ve even begun…so many times; to the point that I’ve already assumed it’ll go nowhere….and therefore I don’t/won’t even make the effort in the first place.
Blah, blah, blah………..
It’s different forms of negative thinking; I hate it; I suffer from it more than I would like to, or like to admit…to this day.
The choice is always mine to make, however. I can decide to look at a situation, literally anyway I want to.
I’m remembering that; and somehow I’m learning what I need to feel whole inside too.
I am doing the only thing I know how to do at this point.
I’ve resolved to always be true to my soul, no matter what. I cannot be anything to anyone without first being real about who I am, and what I need to become.
I cannot fake happiness or serenity; and I stopped trying to a long time ago. I’m staying true to my emotional needs because I want to stay sober, and I want solid relationships in my life; built on REAL things, and REAL life.
I wish it was easier.
It’s a fine balance to love and support someone else, who also struggles with “things”; and to mingle it with my own issues I have to deal with, from the “things”…as well.
I AM TRYING.
I’m trying to be the best woman I can all-around, and stay true to myself. I really hope I can start seeing some kind of solid gain from this soon, because I need it.
I KNOW I have things I need to work on still as well.
The things that I’m not getting, is something that I’ll have to find within myself instead, for the meantime.
Some things need to change, but I’m not giving up.
I am 3 months, and fourteen days sober.
My outlook is hopeful but cautious.
J.Rounds (c)2017 ~Peaces of ME