To Karter, May 3rd, 2017.

You’d be 12 today…that’s just crazy. 

I know you are gone, but it doesn’t stop it from hurting, or from wanting you back with me.

I know it would be selfish of me to accept that; if it were offered; but if I had a chance to do it all over again I would have done things so much differently, and maybe someone would have listened to me sooner. It still haunts me…but I know we can’t go back now.

It took me a long time to realize the full scope of your journey. At the time I was just doing anything I could to hold on to you a little longer. I didn’t want you to go. I was so afraid to lose you.

I still struggle to understand why there has to be such a thing, as suffering and pain, in souls that are so pure….but I cannot make sense of it. In light of this fact, I try to find some sort of acceptance in it instead…however small.

If I don’t, I will surely give up on everyone and everything, and I believe that that would not be what you would want from me. 

You changed me, and made me a stronger and a better person. You kept me alive with the memories of you, when I was at my lowest, and wanted to give up. It’s because of you that I fight to be a better person. 

I think of you often, and I like to think I’ll see you again. 

I know you’re better now, and I only ever wanted that for you. Sometimes it is just bittersweet, I guess. 

I love you… And thank you for showing me what real love and strength really means.

I never knew it before you.

J.Rounds ©2017 ~Peaces of ME

2 thoughts on “To Karter, May 3rd, 2017.

  1. “On the Death of Anne Brontë” by Charlotte Brontë

    There’s little joy in life for me,
    And little terror in the grave;
    I’ve lived the parting hour to see
    Of one I would have died to save.

    Calmly to watch the failing breath,
    Wishing each sigh might be the last;
    Longing to see the shade of death
    O’er those belovèd features cast.

    The cloud, the stillness that must part
    The darling of my life from me;
    And then to thank God from my heart,
    To thank Him well and fervently;

    Although I knew that we had lost
    The hope and glory of our life;
    And now, benighted, tempest-tossed,
    Must bear alone the weary strife.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s