So things have got to keep moving forward no matter what, because anything else just won’t do for me.
I can only be myself, have standards for myself, and live life in a way that makes me feel like I did something positive while I was here, instead of just suffering miserably and ruining shit.
Every day I live this life, and I feel it fully. I can’t make sense of the way things go, and it is always the opposite of what it seems to be.
I’m tired of it.
Quite honestly, I’m beside myself in some very big ways today, and I’ve been trying to wrap my head around some things, and make sense of it all. All of it has made me feel like I’m not worth one thing, but I know it’s not my issue. Still, I have to live and deal with it, feel the pain from it, and I feel like I am on the outside looking in, and will never know the full scope of what I’m dealing with. I also feel alone and betrayed; it fucking sucks, and my only hope is that it won’t happen again.
I can’t make people tell me the truth. It pains me that I always think people will, but they never do…and I can’t figure out why I don’t deserve it.
People wonder why my concept of love is so asku, and this is why.
I’m going to be working on my goals for myself, because I think I need to realize that I need to stop worrying, and just keep taking care of me.
I’m trying to work out things, because I think it’s important to fight for what you want and need in life… but relationships these days, are not what they used to be. I wish I felt like I wasn’t going to be all alone when I die, but I do.
I hope I’m wrong about that.
What will happen, will happen…and I can’t stop it. I can only control myself, and I will.
I’m STILL sober. Karter’s Birthday is STILL tomorrow.
This journey is mine alone…and I always wonder where it’s going to end up.
Today is today though.
J.Rounds ©2017 ~Peaces of ME