I’ve said goodbye to Pennsylvania. I reside in Ohio now, and I didn’t ask anyone’s permission. So there you go.
I’m starting to revisit my goals list, and I think I have to narrow it down to needs and wants and find a better way through.
I know I will continue with my school, photography, writing and art.I made a promise to myself to keep going and never stop; but I decided I’m going to write under a pen name and try to self-publish. I’m becoming impatient with myself because I feel like I’m going nowhere. I decided on trying a new approach. Also good because there’s less pressure, and I won’t have to worry about pissing anyone off if they take parts of the book to heart. (Could happen) Seems legit to me.
Lately I’ve been thinking of my real father as well, and if he even knows I’m alive or cares. I am now approximately 111 miles away from the city in Indiana where he is incarcerated. To be honest I don’t know if he has died or if his health is bad, since I found out about him a few years back. I DO know he will die in prison because he is serving consecutive terms so he’s easy to find. My mother has made me promise not go see my real father, but I’m 98% sure now that I have a half-sister; and I really more than anything just want to look him in the eye, and see what I see. There are parts of me that want to know my other parts, and parts of me that wonder why I care so much in the first place.
I don’t know where I come from. I never have.
I don’t think anyone close to me knows how important it is for me to find out, because I very rarely talk about it.
I could take all the tests, but still there would be pieces of me missing. It’s not the same.
My heart and head do not match and sometimes it hurts and I struggle.
I continue to knock the idea around because I am an epic procrastinater, and I want to talk myself out of it.
J.Rounds ©2017 ~Peaces of Me