Sometimes it doesn’t matter how you get there, as long as you get there. That’s the thing I always tell myself, when I’m making unrealistic expectations about this or that; or trying to live up to my own standards, but not quite on track. I always look for the silver lining now.
I’ve taken the past days off from writing completely because I’m tired. I’ve got this constant humming in my mind of all the things I need to do and get done. After I get it all done for the day, the thought crosses that I should write, but leaves just as fast. It’s like all my energy goes to the immediate tasks at hand, and I don’t want to do anything but veg. out afterwards. I know that it’s anxiety…and the fact that I spend much of my time trying to slow my thoughts down to focus. It’s just tiring. My Psychiatrist shat out on my appointment last week due to overbooking, which means TWO more weeks of waiting for her to hear me, and hopefully hear what I’m saying. I guess at least the good thing is that I’m sober and stable otherwise. But still….tired.
Currently this Math class has become bearable (yes, I actually said that), but I was also told last week that I needed to take another class as well, running along side of it. Since I wasn’t aware of this, and my advisor never told me, it was about three days of ridiculousness before they finally put me in a Communications class. Anybody that knows my “in real life” social anxiety, can pretty much imagine how stressful this class is for me. I managed to make my first elevator speech video though, and I’m hoping the class will be a good experience overall when all is said and done. Nothing like being judged and graded on your appearance, speech and mannerisms. *rolls eyes* Also slightly frustrating that my advisor failed to mention the scheduling of the classes; but I’m getting good grades in both, so I’m committed to keeping up the pace.
In other news I’ve met someone. He sees me for me, and appreciates me; and I him. Healthy; and refreshing to be able to open up again to someone without fear. I’m finally starting to realize my worth, and moving on from my past.
I’m extremely happy about that.
Sometimes it doesn’t matter how you get there, as long as you get there.
J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me