I feel fortunate again today for many reasons.
I talked about my son’s passing tonight with a good friend, and didn’t lose my shit. Although I still have the bad days, and I still see and remember those final hours and moments playing in my head; I didn’t cry tonight. The bad days seem to be getting fewer and further in between. That’s a solid step for me in knowing that I’m starting to process Karter’s death in a healthier way. Before it would have set me back for a good three days or so for sure, and I would be in tears most of that time, unable to do much of anything but maybe FB. (Don’t act like you’re surprised)
I’m happy for the change this day.
I also decided on a new plan for the cats I’m fostering. Originally I was going to keep a kitten, and find a place for momma. This just isn’t looking like it’ll work; so instead I’m keeping momma (Lolita) and that way she will have vet care, love, and a proper home. (Poe is already shitting his cat pants) I will find the other kitty a home with someone else. The other two are spoken for, but I’m certain I can find Vinny a good home too. I’m glad to have decided this, because it was really weighing on my mind something horrible. Winter is coming, and for many other reasons. I decided also that when I get a car this Summer, I will either volunteer or get a job related to helping with the animal clinic here in my county. It seems silly not to at this point; I have lots of love and patience to give.
I am one month, 5 days sober as of this day. I also have wonderful, caring people in my life that love me for who I am inside and support my growth.
It sounds simple maybe, but these things together equal out to be a successful day for me.
Every day I learn that I’m really not as undeserving and stupid as I originally thought. I learn that I’m actually pretty smart, and I’m actually a pretty decent and cool person to engage with and know.
It’s progress, and it means something.
Only thing that could make it better would be to see my kids.
Time, patience, and further growth will bring me closer I know.
I am grateful to be alive, and that I can go to sleep knowing tomorrow I will wake up and feel just as fortunate.
J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me