I think of all the times that others have stolen parts of my soul; either by deep emotional or physical hurt; and why I did absolutely nothing about it; but take it.
Some wounds are special kinds of gifts wrapped up in empty feelings, fear, and many sleepless nights. Dreams that never had a chance of coming true, but swept you away in the madness of what could have been; became your friend, and the only thing you wanted to know. Taught you a lesson…although hard to bear.
You get blinded by it. You become used to it. You forget to look within yourself for any kind of answers at all, and you start to feel comfortable with the good in the bad.
For me it’s a very familiar feeling to have; although these days I am trying to do the right thing. I am trying to be the better person… let my pain go…Forgive. Forgive myself.
But I still will never forget.
We all carry pain inside us that will never leave; and we all carry secrets. When you try to live in it, you become a product of your enviroment. Over the last years I have tried to speak candidly and truthfully about some of the pain that I carry.
This has been a blessing and a curse.
I am not a perfect person, but I am a good person. This much I know for sure. My ghosts hurt me mostly now, because I think about what my life would have been like, had I made better choices for myself. I also know, I can’t go back, only forward.
I hope that maybe someday soon I can find it in my heart to forgive you for good…and myself.
In the end I know it is for the best.
J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me