There was a point and time in my life that I thought I was doomed forever.
The affections of fickle lovers and the constant yearning for something in my life that made me feel alive, was pretty much all I had.
I was suspended in a place in my mind, that I could not allow anyone else to go or get close to, for fear of suffocating under the weight of my own expectations that could never be reached.
It was a bleak madness that had taken over, and sent me someplace into the dark to which I could not escape. I could feel life leaving me every day.
It was at yet again in a bottom to a bottom moment, that I made a choice.
Somehow I decided that being alive, and being happy and living life are two totally different things.
I began to look at myself from a different perspective. I decided that the only way I was going to change would to be to drop the song and dance and look at my past patterns, and change them.
No more excuses.
I started setting boundaries for myself about how I would treat others, and how I would allow others to treat me. Trying to do positive things for myself, instead of setting myself up for a fall, knowing full-well I was going to fall in the first place. Making immediate goals and lists of things I needed to do, focusing on the immediate, and getting myself into therapy. Taking a stand. Fighting for my own life. Actively trying. Putting myself first.
Call it anything you want but I saved my own life, so I could finally start living it.
I made the decision to do it, No one else. Even though my life is far from perfect, it was the best decision I could have ever made.
Opting out is no longer an option in my world. I’m glad about that.
Life is journey. The paths you cut for yourself are were and when you choose to cut them. You decide.
It is work to keep myself in a positive space sometimes; but it’s SO much easier now that I released myself from my own prison.
I know wherever life takes me, I can get through it, and that I’m strong enough to.
That’s pretty much all I need to know to wake up tomorrow at peace.
J.Rounds (c) 2016 ~Peaces of Me