Frustration

My plans always fall like 6-8 months behind my original plan. It’s frustrating.

I know others struggle financially, but it’s hard knowing I  could do so many things and quickly, if I only had a car number one, and the funds number 2. (The job I used to have in Michigan)

You need money to make money in my situation, and I sold my car and quit my job because I was involved in a situation I shouldn’t have been in, over three years ago, when I was downward spiraling. Regret.

Honestly, I hate being mental and I wish I could hold an actual 9-5 job like I used to back in the day because I know I can’t right now. I hope some day to be able to do that again. At this point I feel like my brain doesn’t work like that anymore. It’s hard. I don’t do well for multiple reasons in a typical 9-5 setting. Some have called me lazy but I’m not at all.  It’s my brain. Mental stuff. I need a certain environment and if I get too stressed out, I will leave. I can’t cope and I don’t want to cry. It’s not good.

I do much better when I’m doing something that motivates me and *interests me, because it doesn’t stress me and challenge me in the same way, and I won’t freak out; I can focus.  But still, no car means even these jobs are hard to get.

This is why I network and clean houses when it fits other people that have cars’ schedule. It’s not enough.

At least I’m in school, so I’m just keeping positive and applying myself in areas that I can.

I submitted to a magazine also. I’m not holding my breath, but maybe something will come of it.

I could do a lot of things freelance wise, but have no direction I trust, or advisor  around me to bounce things off of.

Never downward spiral after your kid dies if you can help it. I have to allow myself to go through this, because I couldnt; but It will take you years to rebuild fully if you are alone, with no credit cards and have mental health problems.

Trust me.

J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me

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