Isn’t life about being fucking happy? It is; and I intend to be just that. I’m sick of it.
I struggled to name this entry because basically, it’s just some stuff I figured out.
Some changes are coming for me. Again. I can feel it. I know because it is the same feeling every time whenever I learn more about myself, or someone else, and can start to make proper decisions again. I do a lot of internalizing and I feel stuck a lot. I’m trying to do the right thing, be a better person; but I’m broken, proud, stubborn, and very unfortunately have my real father in me. I struggle frequently to get to the answers of my life. Some people like to play on that fact as well.
Basically at this point in my life I’m opening up my wounds one by one, and cleaning them out properly before I lose a limb or my future happiness.
What would you do to be happy?
I want to live and be a good person and help people. Love my children and the man I love, and take care of them in whatever way I can; and my cat Poe too. I want to have a simple, sweet life with a couple of best sellers and something going on with my photography, and a garden atrium. Travel sometimes. I’d be very happy with that; that’s my happy.
I have to make the sacrafices and changes to have that. I have to get people away from me that are directly trying to hurt me too. Which is really my point. It’s going to be hard. The more I learn about people and their psyches, the more I learn how people really are; including myself. Sometimes it’s beautiful. But more for me it is mostly terrifying, and at the same time sad.
It is hard to look into yourself and try to fix you. Most don’t even know they have a problem. I know I do. When you admit it openly people point fingers.
People will pose as friends, but a lot in reality just like to watch you struggle, because it makes them feel better about themselves somehow. They think you don’t know, but you do. And for me if I don’t I always figure it out. Usually too late. After damage is done and I’ve hurt myself again by trusting; THE WRONG PEOPLE.
I HATE TO FLIP YOUR FLAP JACKS HATERS; BUT THOSE CHANGES ARE STARTING TO COME FOR ME.
So I don’t know what you’re all going to do.
J.Rounds (c)2016 ~Peaces of Me