Never stop believing in yourself and your abilities.
For the past seven-and-a-half years, (three years you’ve really seen) I have been struggling to find myself; to heal; and to get my life back to the point that I could feel as though I was actively moving forward, and not two steps forward and a million steps back.
I have actively pursued any avenue I could find to keep myself alfloat and not sinking; even though I struggled very badly, and drifted in and out of moments of complete madness and despair many times; and it showed fully.
I’m not dead yet.
I told myself many lies and half-truths at first: but I became willing and wanting to change for the better. I was formally diagnosed and properly medicated. I knew that I was meant for more than the life that I was leading. I wanted to stop hurting myself, my children, and sabotaging my dreams and hopes for a better future; just because I was grieving and strung out on different things, and drinking too much on a consistent basis.
I was tired of it.
I have not followed the mainstream at all; learned almost everything the hard way. I made some really bad choices because I was niave and flat-out stupid. I suffered major scrutiny and abuse from many people all over the internet for it too. It fucking sucked.
Be the change.
During this time I have been networking tirelessly and I never stopped believing that I’d find some avenue, that would allow me a chance to show what I had to offer, in a legitimate way.
Many people have or have tried to take advantage of me in this time period. Many people told me I would never amount to anything, and that I should get a “real” job and stop being lazy.
I never gave up believing in myself.
Don’t give up.
I believe I’ve found such an avenue that will back me so that I can promote many things I’ve wanted to do for a long time.
I was contacted tonight.
I do not want to jinx it, but I’m excited. It is in the fetal stages as of yet; but it is a real, legitimate project now; It’s going to happen. Which is something that wasn’t true just this morning.
I have a lot of work to do and things to get together; but I’m great under pressure and I will have some actual guidance and funding which is what I have needed. And that’s all I’m going to say.
People can say whatever they want about me. I really don’t care at all at this point. This is another goal I have met for myself and the next goal is making the project happen. It may not be a worldwide, multi-million dollar thing; but it’ll be mine, I’ll control it, and I know I can make it successful if I try hard enough. That works for me.
I want to be able to provide for myself and my children like everybody else does, and be able to do what I want creatively in the process. I want to be an actual productive person, live to my fullest potential, and be happy. Just like you.
I will be.
THIS IS ME.
This is day 81 and I feel freaking fantastic and hopeful. I’m doing really good in school too; pulling an A in this photography class as well. I’m stoked about it and proud of myself.
You just can’t take that away from me if you tried. I deserve this break.
It’s about time.
Love yourself. You are worth it.
J.Rounds (c)2015 ~Peaces of Me