41 days day 1

So I was hoping to feel much stronger than I did today.

I pretty much kept myself busy all day long; it feels very much like what I do when I’m trying not to think about Karter.

I’m consciously aware that I’m trying to preoccupy myself. It is indeed a grieving process.

I’m tense, anxious, pissed off and short. I have no tolerance for trivial things. In fact, I’m taking a break from social media for a while, because I simply can’t bare it right now. It’s just not the same. There is no one I want to spend time on.  Mostly I just see people being idiots, and I don’t want to be one, or even try to be upbeat.  I know it’s just me right now and not fair. I can’t help it.

There’s no one to talk to about politics, music,  gaming, life. I don’t know how your day was or how you’re feeling.

It’s so funny and completely sad.

Thats why it’s messed up. It’s a cycle I have to break. But it’s all I know.  It’s like this. Damage.

Doesn’t matter anyways because I’m the only one who feels it, and it was all a lie. I know this.

Still, I hope I can get stronger and my mind will stop playing tricks on me.  Going to focus more on school.

It’s day 41 sober and day 1 without you; and it sucked. I know I’m not supposed to feel it.

I was told by someone wise… that I should.

Until tomorrow.

Trying to love myself.

J. Rounds (c)2015 ~Peaces of Me

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