Today was unlike any other day in that I actually let go of an 4 year relationship that I held very dear to me at one point in my life.
As much as it burns I came to realize that sometimes it is more important to cut your losses and learn the lessons, than to continue to subject yourself to something false that will never get you anywhere but down.
I am having very many mixed emotions because it is hard for me at this point to actually wrap my head around the fact that I’ll never talk to him again. As co- dependant and unhealthy as the relationship was, it did provide a sense of comfort in certain times of sadness.
Mostly though it was a lot of very traumatic and abusive fights and massive feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, that in effect caused me to lose my mind for a period of time.
I have fought my way back to reality with a lot of hard work, and the love and support of very many beautiful friends and a few family members as well.
I continued at different points afterwards to try to make the relation work, because I wanted to believe that things were different between us, and that we were different, and that our love could see us through.
That is not the case. Some things were admitted to me recently that make me know there is no hope left and it is time to get out; and so I have.
I have compromised my morals, beliefs and entire reasoning pattern because of this relationship. I have lost very many things because of it, and many wonderful people as well.
Although it still smarts, I do know it’s the best choice to end it.
I have learned many, many things and the most important one is that you must love and respect yourself, or you will never be whole or find any kind of happiness inside. The second being you can only control the things you do, and take responsibility for your own actions; no one elses’.
I want to tell my family and friends remaining thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for loving me for me and for always being consistant and supportive in my times of despair. I love you, and always will.
I hope that not only will I find happiness someday, but also that he will. I am not without some fault and I do not wish any ill will against him.
To the man I spent 4 years of my life on, I will miss you, and love remains the same. Life goes on.
J. Rounds (c)2015 Peaces of Me