It’s not ME it’s YOU

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Too many people in the world worry about what others think, and end up taking it to heart.  I know.  I’ve literally done this, almost my entire life.  I’ve held my value in the palms of others’ hands; based my worth on what they said about me, and how I was.  For so long I did this; even if it wasn’t true at all what the person was saying. I would worry about it; let it affect many different things in my life.

I know I’m not the only one who’s done this.  Many, many people struggle with self-esteem.  It’s extremely easy to do, especially, in my opinion, for girls.  It’s even easier to do if you aren’t taught the right things about self-esteem growing up; which I feel is essential for a healthy childhood and life.  If you add in any kind of verbal, physical abuse, or over sexualization of a child, it will straight up mess them up inside, AND their entire way of thinking; another thing I unfortunately know about.  You have to re-learn your way of thinking, and that’s only if you even recognize the unhealthy cycle in the first place.

I have found that most people often go for the throat in their wrath and opinions of me; since my personal pictures were posted on Facebook for all the world to see; and I decided to go fully public with my selfie pictures, stories and struggles. I have gotten very many slanderous emails and comments about how people think I am as a person, and what they think I should do with my life.  I have literally never spoken with 90% of these people, on a personal level.

Untitled When I was growing up, The only two things I was ever praised for was my artistic ability, and the way I looked.  Those were my only two constants.  My father was a amateur photographer as well; always took pics of us. My grandmother used to give me her old dresses, wigs and makeup to dress up in, every summer I’d go there to visit.  My grandfathers’ nick name for me growing up was Cupie doll. I was told I should be a model by everyone in my family from a very, very young age, and got positive attention for my “prettiness”.  I don’t know any other way to say it. I don’t know what to do to change the things people say about me to make them not think these things about me; so I guess they are just going to have to go on and think it;  because it’s simply the truth; that’s what I was praised for growing up. Ask anyone in my family.  It formed my opinion of what I was supposed to be;  even though I didn’t even think I was anything special regarding looks, and still don’t.  I worried about it a lot; until it just became part of me, and who I am.

A lot of people get pissed off at me, form judgements and call me egocentric, narcissist, thirsty, train wreck, and worse.   Including my ex.  Now, I am used to it; I already know what people will say.  Anybody that tries to be themselves these days, always gets shot down by other people pointing out flaws and reasons why they are this and that, and could never make it in life. It seems because I finally decided to do something for myself; do what I had to do to get better, and am thriving for once in my life, and still take selfies; the ones that play God come out of the wood work and won’t leave me alone with their negative Bullshit.

June 045             June 024

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud…)

I have always been a girly girl. I have always been into clothes and fashion, makeup, hair; all of it.  Ask my Mother, sisters, friends from high school; they will all tell you as much. In fact,  when I used to get in trouble (for pretty much whatever), the very first thing my Step-father would do, is take away my makeup. From the eighth grade on, before social media was even a thing, I was taking selfies.  Point is I’ve always been like this; SO WHAT???

Yes;  I’ve struggled and had issues with my life and self-esteem in the past; still do sometimes; WHO DOESN’T OR HASN’T??? I grew up in a dysfunctional environment; had people give me shit and call me names my entire life; praised me for the wrong things; How can I apologize for that; and why should I???  I was lost in my life for a long time; I’ve been through many, many trials and tribulations in my life; YES I have. NOW, I am trying my hardest to be healthy and well and love myself for who I am; flaws and all; what is it your business to say anything about my life at all????

I don’t base my life on what other people say about me anymore; AT ALL. Because I know those people are only trying to bring me down, and keep me stuck in negative thoughts of the way I used to be and think. It’s within them if they are trying to make me feel bad for being me.

Just because I like to take selfies or pictures of myself doesn’t mean I’m narcissistic.  Just because I chose to move to Pennsylvania to get my life together doesn’t mean I don’t love my children.  Just because I’ve only been sober for 34 days since my last drink, doesn’t mean I’m a train wreck drunk.  Just because I struggle with mental health issues, doesn’t mean I don’t try on a daily basis, and I’ll never be well or amount to anything.  Anyone that truly knows me and has spoken to me directly, knows that’s not true at all;  And so,  your opinion is irrelevant.

My best advice to people who struggle with self-esteem is to give yourself a break and start finding the good qualities about yourself; and nurture those things instead; because you have them.  Bullies, or people in your life who try to make you feel bad; don’t listen to their nonsense at all; because that’s exactly what it is. You’re O.K. being you.  You don’t have to prove anything to anyone but yourself.  Your life is yours and no one elses;  and your story is unique and you deserve to live it according to YOU. You don’t have to be involved with people that want to judge and hurt you on purpose.  Set rules for yourself regarding how you allow yourself to be treated; and what you will and will not accept.  Follow through with those rules and never sway from them.  You WILL get better.

People that have something to say about my life; I’d suggest you take a look at your own.  Until you can say you’ve led the perfect one; I’d highly suggest you refrain from judging mine.  Not only do your opinions not matter to me; but you also show just what kind of person you truly are inside.  I don’t care what you have to say about me at all.  I’m going to do me and love myself regardless, because I’m awesome. 🙂  If you don’t like it you can GET BENT.  Clearer I cannot be about it.

As always, Love yourself. YOU ARE WORTH IT.

J. Rounds ©2015 ~Peaces of Me

MEOW~It’s not ME it’s YOU~

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