The Spiral down

July 8th, 2014

My weight has plummeted in a very short period of time. I am 126lbs now and a size 6, at 5’9″. This is the smallest I have been in 15 years.

My hair is starting to fall out in clumps and my urine smells funny.

I am walking miles and miles each day and only consuming roughly 300 calories a day because I can’t eat. Protein shakes seem to be the only thing I can really keep down.

I am dehydrated and feel so weak. I need the feeling as it is the only thing I can control.

But I look horrible.

I am starting to scare myself with the things I am doing to myself to numb myself out. I am not being smart or proper at all.

I need to change.

I miss my kids.
I miss ******.
I miss myself.

Yesterday I contemplated jumping off of the bridge on the over pass over 131. It was late and dark and no one would have seen, or have been able to stop me.

Instead I took a video and posted it on Facebook.

I wonder if anyone would even miss me.

J Rounds © 2014~Peaces of me

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