Because it’s MEANT to be…

This house T and I have been working towards getting…                                                 


150 bucks away from the goal!

My Birthday is tomorrow. 

This is last challenge in reaching a huge goal that’s been very arduous to get done, but will be worth everything to say I did it; simply because I didn’t think at first it was achievable. 

I haven’t sold my camera. I haven’t gotten one dime from anyone. 

It is true if you want something done, you have to do it yourself. T and I deserve this win, and $150 bucks from now, we are going to be able to say we did it all by ourselves, together. 

THAT is something that is worth it’s weight in gold.

My Birthday present to myself, is to make sure we meet this goal. 

I’ll be taking my camera off of Ebay, and selling it outright locally instead. There’s been no traffic as expected, and I don’t care, I’ll just pawn it. 

Either way it’s going to be a Happy Birthday for me; because tomorrow isn’t going to be any ordinary day at all. 

This I know for sure.

120 days on the wagon today, and counting.

I can definitely dig that 🙂

Love yourself.
J.Rounds (c)2017 ~Peaces of ME

What I want for my Birthday, is to get into this house…

 

I hope it will work in my favor. I will be adding the link to my light kit later. This is just a stupid price. I’m not stoked at all, but it looks like it’s the only way it’ll work.  It’ll be interesting to see if it actually sells. I have a bet going with myself.

Wish me luck.

Love yourself.

 

 

Ad for my Camera

 

J.Rounds (c)2017 ~Peaces of ME

Approved for House

Firstly, enjoy my cat Lolita being flirty with the neighbor 🙂

WE GOT APPROVED FOR THE HOUSE WE WANTED!!

I’m estatic, but still feeling the stress. They wanted us to sign the lease yesterday.

But…

We still need to save up about a grand to get in it, and the end of the month is the deadline to beat. It becomes tricky for someone like me, who has no avenues regarding extra money or getting loans when I’m in a tight spot…

The only thing I know to do, is to sell my camera equipment. Or try to…again. It’s really the only thing of value I own.

I think it’s more important, to get out of this neighborhood, and into that house, so we can have a healthy environment and fresh start…than it is to hold on to material objects that I can eventually get back anyways. 

It’s all I can do. Wants vs. NEEDS.

Next post will be the listing of it, in case anyone here is interested in good, quality, well-kept, hardly used equipment for stupid cheap. 

I’m off social media in all regards, but this blog…so…yep.

I’m pretty sure that no one will even buy it; because it’s ME;  but I’m gonna’ try anyways. 

I’ve felt repeatedly like giving up through this entire process; but $1000.00 isn’t going to keep T and I back from a chance at a positive step in the right direction for OUR LIVES.

The money really isn’t even the problem, it’s the timing of it all that is really shaking things up. I’m nervous and feel sick, and I cannot eat.

I know if T and I just hold on, something good is going to happen regarding this. 

I have faith. 

We have been sober for 3 months, and 24 days.

That in itself is a total miracle. Getting this house is going to be another one. 

We are almost there. If it wasn’t for T and good friend I’ve been talking to, I’d be even more in cahoots. 

I’m going to have faith.

There’s the update!!

Love yourself.

J.Rounds (c)2017 ~Peaces of ME

I Could Really Handle Some Good News..

Waiting is the hardest part. 

Six months from now, I’d like to look back on this period of my life, and know that the effort put in, was worth it.

I can’t quit.

It never goes as smoothly as I want, but I keep having faith that this house application stuff is just part of the process.

I need to clean up my credit, and I hope to buy my own house in five years. It’s ridiculous how irresponsible I’ve been in all regards, and I could kick myself for being so stupid with my finances.

All I can do is wait now, and hope my good rental history, speaks for itself.

It’ll be nice to get away from this neighborhood, and make a new life with T, in a better location.

Right now T and I are saving money, staying sober, and waiting.

We are doing the right things.

Hopefully day 113 will end up in a positive light, and with good news.

That’s all in my world. 

Trying to live, while still dealing with the residual fallout of bad choice-making.

I’m trying to love myself in the process…

It’s a bit difficult for me today…considering.

J.Rounds (c)2017 ~Peaces of ME

In Any Regard, I’d Spin in the Wind With You.

Funny how you change as a person, over time.

It seems like no matter what pressures hit me lately, I’m able to compartmentalize them down into smaller, more managable sections to deal with. Sometimes it’s hard, but I DO do it. It got me to thinking that things could be a lot worse, and THAT is progress. I couldn’t do that last year at all, without having major meltdowns lasting days and weeks, and then finally realizing I was just wasting time, on doing nothing.

I am blessed for the goodness in my life today, and the life and good sense that is coming back to me. 

I missed it.

There’s a lot of stuff going on for T and I, but we are moving in the right direction. On the one hand I’m terrified, and on the other, I’m ready for our future life together. It’s been challenging in many regards, for both of us.

I just think this is part of our story. Sober is not always easy.  But sober together is definitely better than drunk alone, in any regard.

Taking the safe and easiest route is not always feesible, OR smart.

When all the signs are there and line up, sometimes I really wonder why we waited so long to make a break.

I think we were both scared of messing up again, and letting each other down; instead of realizing that we both control what we do as people, and those choices need to mean something or it doesn’t. We owe it to the people we love…to love them in every regard. That includes ourselves, but in a much healthier way. 

I’m feeling confident that we will get there soon.  I am tired as well but I know we always find the rainbows, when the clouds pull away. Our “best” is yet to come, and now we can realize it fully. 

People, places, and things…

This is just part of the places part.

We are both three months, 15 days sober.

Love Yourself.
J.Rounds ~Peaces of ME

The Choice is Mine to Change How I Think.

I can choose to be the way I am; or become the person I was always meant to be…the BEST version of myself.

I am becoming this slowly but surely.

I can feel it a little more every day.

So many times in my life, I have chosen to meander through situations and surroundings that I’ve “FELT” I could do nothing about.

I have set myself up for failure, before I’ve even begun…so many times; to the point that I’ve already assumed it’ll go nowhere….and therefore I don’t/won’t even make the effort in the first place.

Blah, blah, blah………..

It’s different forms of negative thinking; I hate it; I suffer from it more than I would like to, or like to admit…to this day.

The choice is always mine to make, however. I can decide to look at a situation, literally anyway I want to.   

I’m remembering that; and somehow I’m learning what I need to feel whole inside too.

I am doing the only thing I know how to do at this point.

I’ve resolved to always be true to my soul, no matter what. I cannot be anything to anyone without first being real about who I am, and what I need to become. 

I cannot fake happiness or serenity; and I stopped trying to a long time ago. I’m staying true to my emotional needs because I want to stay sober, and I want solid relationships in my life; built on REAL things, and REAL life.

I wish it was easier.

It’s a fine balance to love and support someone else, who also struggles with “things”; and to mingle it with my own issues I have to deal with, from the “things”…as well.

I AM TRYING.

I’m trying to be the best woman I can all-around, and stay true to myself.  I really hope I can start seeing some kind of solid gain from this soon, because I need it.

I KNOW I have things I need to work on still as well.

The things that I’m not getting, is something that I’ll have to find within myself instead, for the meantime.

Some things need to change, but I’m not giving up.

I am 3 months, and fourteen days sober. 

My outlook is hopeful but cautious. 

Love yourself.

J.Rounds (c)2017 ~Peaces of ME

So I’m feeling really positive; days like these, make the hard days worth it; Dr. Phil is the man… 

I think Dr. Phil is a pretty smart guy. 

He’s hardcore. NO BS. He makes sense because he spells it out logically and directly… and has a plan to turn it around most times, that’s doable.

If you do it.

It might sound cliche’, but it’s what I’m doing right now while I’m writing this blog. 

I’m trying to keep a routine, and form some sort of daily agenda that will help keep me moving forward. This will help me immensely to blog more often. I start in the late -morning, and finish it up later if it can’t be edited in the allotted time-frame….like today.

I’ve found that I thrive on structure, so although I’m not working and on SSI, I get up every day with T at 6 am, before he goes to work…and even on the weekends (Lol). I’m just used to it now, and I actually enjoy the quality time we get to spend together. It’s OUR routine. 

We did that also when we were drinking on the weekends; but we don’t drink anymore, and T has a much better job and working enviroment, doing what he loves now. I need to fill my day, with steps to a better place as well, so that I can accomplish my own goals too.

I am more than ready, and have the emotional support behind me now;  I am going to make it happen. I’m working on this every day. 

A daily routine/schedule, that involves me scheduling the work to get there, is what I’m trying to do, and build.

I’ve got plenty of things to do, and eventually I won’t be on SSI full-time, and my plan is to get off it all together again and start living my dreams; which really just means being a positive influence in my kids lives; being a healthy partner and best friend to T; spending time on and with true friends; forming some sort of working relation with my sister’s again; making sure my mother sees all us girls together again someday and talking and sisterly like we should be (I hope); making money doing what I’m good at doing and enjoy; helping others through my story; living with a purpose, instead of just a sick existence.

I need the routine to keep me on track. 

Seems like It’ll help a whole lot. 

……………………………………………………..
I’ve had some good, positive and hard growth these past days.

It’s been life-changing. 

I really don’t know how else to put it. That just doesn’t really happen that much for me.

The peaces clicked together, and I have great hope.

I KNOW that not every day is going to be rosy and life goes in that way; it just does and this is MY story. But I’m changing all around as a person in a good way, and it makes me want to keep going. 

It agrees with me.

I have so much to change still; but it will be worth it, and it will happen. 

I know my kids are worth it, 

I will be there for them in any way I can. 

I’m going to do this in the following ways:

1. I’m going to work daily to stay healthy and sober. 

2. I’m going to keep consistent contact with my 3 children, and not make plans or promises, that I know might not work out. It causes me to fail and not follow through, and cause hurt. (and then I’m afraid to contact them.) This won’t be happening anymore. I also hope I can work out a way to communicate better with my ex in the future, because I WOULD like to see them at some point, as is doable and agreeable by both parties…when things are better.

3. Positivity is what I want to remember; but I’m going to ask for help if I need it. (That means not being afraid to admit I’m upset about something and need to talk it out.

4. I’m going to work my ass off. 

5. I’m not going to stop until I get to where I need to be.

6. I’m going to believe in myself and remember that life is really about the journey…not the destination….just breathe.

I figure it’s a matter of time before I see results…it’s a no- brainer if I don’t stop. 

I want my life to mean something before I go.

And it will. 

That’s the part of the story I can control.

I’m really happy because I feel like there’s finally hope; and when there is hope, there is always a way to build on it. 

I am 99 days sober. The Fourth of July will mark 100;  I’ll make sure of it.  🙂

Love yourself. 

J. Rounds ©2017 ~Peaces of ME